Fight for the Future: Introjection
by sweetring
Summary: Rebild we do not deserve. Translation of Russian fanfic "Борьба за будущее: Интроекция".
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

 _Annex 87 to the document "On investigation of the disaster that occurred on September 13, 2000"prepared by Special Committee of the United States Congress._

 _Excerpts from the negotiations between the crew members of STS-106 mission of "Atlantis" Space Shuttle, recorded on September 13, 2000, at the time of anomaly observation._

 _The first goal of the flight was to deliver cargoes, equipment, and communication systems to the International Space Station that was in process of construction. The other goal was to prepare the station to the crew arrival that should have occurred in November of that year._

 _Among the STS-106 mission crew were:_

 _— Commander Terrence W. Wilcutt [ ];_

 _— Pilot Scott D. Altman [ ];_

 _— Mission Specialist Edward T. Lu [ ];_

 _— Mission Specialist Boris Morukov [ ];_

 _— Mission Specialist Richard A. Mastracchio [ ];_

 _— Mission Specialist Daniel C. Burbank [ ];_

 _— Mission Specialist Yuri Malenchenko [ ]._

 _The STS-106 crew exchanged the radio traffic with the following facilities on Earth:_

 _— NASA's Mission Control Center [MCC];_

 _— North American Aerospace Defense Command [NRD]._

MCC: "Atlantis", the National Weather Service would like to ask you for a favor. Got a minute? Do you copy?

T. WILCUTT: "Houston", copy that. What do they want?

MCC: They ask you to see about the climatic changes over Antarctica and, if it's possible to take some photos of it.

T. WILCUTT: Affirmed, consider it done. Altman, stop sitting around doing nothing. Take some photos.

S. ALTMAN: Wilco, Cap.

T. WILCUTT: Lu, what's with the schedule?

E. LU: We have 12 minutes or so to install the communications system. Then, Boris and I will be connecting the cable between "Zarya" and "Zvezda".

T. WILCUTT: You have 15 minutes. Everything should be perfect. We don't want our guys to be disconnected from Earth in November.

E. LU: Consider it done, Cap!

S. ALTMAN: What it's like to be in outer space?

E. LU: It's unforgettable!

R. MASTRACCHIO: Cap, Yuri and I have got a little problem with the spacehab. We need 40 more minutes.

T. WILCUTT: What kind of problem, Rich?

Y. MALENCHENKO: Nothing major, Commander. During transportation, the RL-100 got a little bit bent, and "Unity" can be left without detachable equipment now.

T. WILCUTT: Got it. Lu, when you're free, go help Rich and Yuri.

E. LU: Wilco, Cap. You owe me a beer!

T. WILCUTT: Don't kid yourself.

MCC: "Atlantis", what the weather's like out there?

S. ALTMAN: The mercury is falling. A cyclone is forming. Anything else?

MCC: Any anomalies?

S. ALTMAN: "Houston", read back.

MCC: Is there any weather anomalies over Antarctica?

S. ALTMAN: I'm no expert, but the cyclone is forming too fast. I'm serious. It's right before my eyes. How copy?

MCC: Copy that. "Atlantis", continue to monitor the situation.

T. WILCUTT: Altman, you're our new weatherman.

S. ALTMAN: Thank, Cap. You should pay me for overtime.

Y. MALENCHENKO: Commander, I may not be an expert either, but there seems to be an anomaly over Antarctica.

T. WILCUTT: Explain, Yuri.

Y. MALENCHENKO: Well, is it turning clockwise?

S. ALTMAN: No, sir.

Y. MALENCHENKO: You mean you can see it moving?

S. ALTMAN: Affirm. And now I'm taking pictures for those pointy-heads from Earth.

Y. MALENCHENKO: Well, here it is. Cyclones in the southern hemisphere are moving clockwise. And extra-tropical cyclones are so large and are forming so slowly that it's kind of hard to determine their direction.

S. ALTMAN: Let aside the direction. I can see it growing.

T. WILCUTT: "Houston", we affirm the presence of the anomaly. How copy?

MCC: Copy that, "Atlantis". Keep me posted.

T. WILCUTT: Altman, report to me everything you see.

S. ALTMAN: Wilco, Cap. Well, the cyclone was a couple of hundred miles in diameter. Now, it's three hundred, no less. I can see it moving with unaided eye. The eye is very narrow. Anything else?

MCC: How narrow is it?

S. ALTMAN: It's thirty miles, more or less. To be more accurate, I need a lens. One more thing, "Houston". I can see faint flashes that look like lightnings.

MCC: "Atlantis", say again the last sentence.

S. ALTMAN: Lightnings, "Houston". I see lightnings. How copy?

MCC: …

S. ALTMAN: "Houston"?

MCC: Copy that. Do you see a thunder head?

S. ALTMAN: No, sir. Just flashes around the eye. It's weird that they strike right to the center.

Y. MALENCHENKO: It's not good.

E. LU: I can see your anomaly too!

T. WILCUTT: No distractions, Lu. Boris, kick him.

B. MORUKOV: It will be done, Commander.

S. ALTMAN: "Houston", your cyclone is over five hundred miles in diameter now. Grows like a mushroom. Maybe those pointy heads can say what it is? Now I'm interested.

MCC: The only thing our pointy heads can do now is to play smart.

T. WILCUTT: So they don't have an answer. Copy that, "Houston". Yuri, do you have any suggestions? You're our expert on cyclones.

S. ALTMAN: Hey, cap! I'm a weatherman, remember?

Y. MALENCHENKO: No, sir. This does not occur in nature.

D. BURBANK: Is it man-made?

Y. MALENCHENKO: No way. A man couldn't do that, and certainly not over Antarctica.

E. LU: Mark my words, aliens want to capture our planet!

T. WILCUTT: Lu!

E. LU: I'm working, Cap.

R. MASTRACCHIO: I can bet my life that it's not as bad as it seems.

S. ALTMAN: Whoa! Did you see that? "Houston", I see a massive flash right in the eye. The flash is so strong that it could be seen from the orbit.

B. MORUKOV: Affirm.

E. LU: Affirm it too!

MCC: "Atlantis", are you sure?

S. ALTMAN: Right you are, "Houston". I watched with the naked eye. Here's another one, even stronger than the first one!

MCC: Copy that, keep watching it. "Atlantis", run a preventive check of all systems of the Shuttle.

T. WILCUTT: Copy that, "Houston'. Altman, check the communication and navigation systems.

S. ALTMAN: Wilco, Cap.

T. WILCUTT: Rich, Daniel, you go check the computer and all the electronics.

R. MASTRACCHIO: Aye, sir!

T. WILCUTT: Yuri, let aside the RL-100 and check the life support systems.

Y. MALENCHENKO: I'm on it!

T. WILCUTT: Lu and Boris, is everything okay out there? Any problems?

B. MORUKOV: We don't see any, Captain. We're back on schedule.

R. MASTRACCHIO: There are no problems with the on-Board computer. Everything works like a charm.

Y. MALENCHENKO: No problems with life support systems have been identified. It works.

T. WILCUTT: Confirmed. Altman?

S. ALTMAN: One second, Cap ... The navigation's fine. I'm seeing low-frequency interference, but nothing serious. At least for the moment. But it's no good.

T. WILCUTT: Roger. "Houston", any instructions?

MCC: Keep working on schedule and monitor the situation. We deal with the interference. There is an additional gain on N-63, channel four.

T. WILCUTT: Copy, "Houston". Everybody get to work. Hey weatherman, what's the weather?

S. ALTMAN: It seems to me, it's degrading. It is a thousand miles in diameter, no less. It spins like a top. I see multiple flashes that happen once every four to five seconds. The small ones happen more frequently.

Y. MALENCHENKO: Looks like a megalomanic tornado!

S. ALTMAN: Yeah, got a bit of a ring to it. But... It's not Florida, and we're not sitting in the Cadillac.

E. LU: Oh, crap! What the hell was that?!

B. MORUKOV: Affirm: it was a big one!

T. WILCUTT: Lu, Boris, are you all right?

E. LU: Yeah, kinda. But it was unpleasant. Holy shit, it's happening again!

S. ALTMAN: I don't know what the hell it is, Cap! Here's... the polar glow!

T. WILCUTT: So what?

S. ALTMAN: It looks like it's getting out of the eye of the cyclone!

Y. MALENCHENKO: It's impossible! It can't be happening!

T. WILCUTT: "Houston", we've got some hell going on. Two my astronauts are in the outer space, so I need information.

E. LU: We're all right, Cap. Draw it mild!

S. ALTMAN: I agree with Cap. Another anomaly emerged over the eye. It has the form of the disc and is ten or twelve miles in diameter.

T. WILCUTT: What?

MCC: "Atlantis", tell us about the second anomaly again.

S. ALTMAN: In short, there is an anomaly in the form of a disk. It's colorful. I can see red and black colors. They're changing. It's growing. It's forty miles now, no less.

R. MASTRACCHIO: What the hell is going on there?!

E. LU: Son of a bitch, there's another flash! My eyes go funny...

B. MORUKOV: I confirm it. This time it's much stronger. It keeps me from my work.

R. MASTRACCHIO: Maybe someone's blowing the thermonuclear warheads up?

T. WILCUTT: Well, sure, if it can lead to such anomalies.

S. ALTMAN: You guys need to see this. There's, uh ... I can't describe it.

B. MORUKOV: God!

T. WILCUTT: What's happening?

E. LU: Cap, take a look for yourself. That isn't possible.

T. WILCUTT: Holy Shit! "Houston", we have a problem.

MCC: Go ahead.

T. WILCUTT: So... Altman, can you describe it?

S. ALTMAN: "Houston", you won't believe it! But there are two oblong anomalies coming from the eye. They're two hundred miles long, no less.

B. MORUKOV: Look like wings.

S. ALTMAN: Yeah, right.

MCC: "Atlantis", read back. Are you kidding us?

T. WILCUTT: Negative, "Houston'. Affirm. Two anomalies emerged, which are...

S. ALTMAN: THE FLASH!

E. LU: Oh... shit!

B. MORUKOV: Hold on!

T. WILCUTT: "Houston", we have a very big problem here!

S. ALTMAN: They are growing. They're like wings. Like wings! There are hundreds of lightnings continuously shining. And this disc... I don't know what it is, but it looks like a portal. Like in a goddamn movie!

T. WILCUTT: Okay, Altman, in alert! I need a pilot now, not a weatherman. Rich, Yuri, stop messing with the spacehab and go to the cockpit. Daniel, do not hesitate and watch the on-board computer. Yuri, replace Altman when you get there. I need operational data.

S. ALTMAN: Yuri, watch the disc!

Y. MALENCHENKO: I am! It is already one hundred and twenty kilometers in diameter. It seems like it sucks everything in.

T. WILCUTT: Say again?

Y. MALENCHENKO: Disc sucks in everything from the surface: snow, ice, earth. I can't describe it more precisely. Altman's right. It looks like a one-way portal. And the flashes are bigger and more frequent.

E. LU: Affirm, Cap. And these wings... It looks like they're made of plasma.

R. MASTRACCHIO: The readings aren't stable. The level of background radiation has increased. It's still within normal limits, but that's fantastic. There's no danger to life of the crew of "Atlantis". But I can't say the same about Lu and Boris.

S. ALTMAN: We're losing the touch, Cap.

T. WILCUTT: "Houston", any instructions? There is an emergency. I've got two men in outer space!

MCC: STS-106, cancel the operation. I repeat: waveoff! Return the astronauts. Change to a standby mode.

T. WILCUTT: Roger. Did you guys hear it? Get the hell out of there.

B. MORUKOV: With great pleasure.

Y. MALENCHENKO: Captain, there's something wrong with this anomaly. It's losing... stability or something.

T. WILCUTT: What do you mean?

Y. MALENCHENKO: Well... it feels like it's about to explode...

E. LU: Holy shit!

Y. MALENCHENKO: That's very, very bad!

MCC: "Atlantis", tell... ab... the s...

T. WILCUTT: "Houston"? "Houston", come in!

E. LU: Hey, Cap, we're in a deep shit!

T. WILCUTT: What is it, Lu?

E. LU: The shock wave, Cap! The shock wave! It can be seen from the orbit!

B. MORUKOV: Affirm. It's moving incredibly fast.

S. ALTMAN: Oh, my God! The speed is not less than thirty Mach.

E. LU: Cap, it's already reached South America!

T. WILCUTT: "Houston", check in! Now you're in big trouble!

E. LU: Cap, the lights go out. The lights in the cities... Nobody warned them!

T. WILCUTT: Connection, I need a connection!

R. MASTRACCHIO: We're working on it, Cap. But there's interference, we can't get through!

T. WILCUTT: Try to connect with "Korolev" and "Darmstadt"!

R. MASTRACCHIO: The signal does not get through.

S. ALTMAN: NORAD! We can try to reach them if we manage to relay the signal.

T. WILCUTT: Do whatever you want, but I need a connection!

R. MASTRACCHIO: No answer, Cap... no answer from Earth.

B. MORUKOV: Captain, we can try to connect the communications between "Zvezda" and "Atlantis" while Lu and I hang out in outer space. This will amplify the signal.

R. MASTRACCHIO: Boris, there's a high risk. You can be exposed!

B. MORUKOV: Maybe…

E. LU: There's always a risk. Right now our lives are not important.

T. WILCUTT: Get on with it!

E. LU: Aye, Cap!

T. WILCUTT: Daniel, get "Atlantis" ready to connect to "Zvezda".

D. BURBANK: Got it.

R. MASTRACCHIO: Altman, what about relaying through Milstar?

S. ALTMAN: I'm working on it already.

Y. MALENCHENKO: Transferred the data to "Gonets". You can try to use "US-KMO".

T. WILCUTT: How can it help us?

Y. MALENCHENKO: "US-KMO" is a series of satellites which are used to identify ballistic missile launches in the USA. In Russia, there are similar satellites. But we're in the Western hemisphere now. In theory, these satellites are secure and have the best connection.

T. WILCUTT: Rich, go for it.

B. MORUKOV: "Zvezda" is online.

D. BURBANK: Affirm: "Zvezda" is online.

T. WILCUTT: Copy that, Boris. Now get out of there!

MCC: I... w... s... on... or...

T. WILCUTT: "Houston", do you read me? Come in!

E. LU: Faster, please faster... The shock wave has already engulfed the southern part of Argentina!

S. ALTMAN: We managed to connect with "Gonets". There's also a connection with "Korolev"!

T. WILCUTT: The RKA Mission Control Center, this is Shuttle "Atlantis", mission STS-106. We see an anomaly over Antarctica and a shock wave emanating from it at a speed of thirty Mach. How copy?

T. WILCUTT: Altman, is there a connection?

S. ALTMAN: It was a second ago, Cap.

T. WILCUTT: Oh, crap!

S. ALTMAN: We've connected to Milstar. There's a connection with NORAD!

NRD: Th...s is the N...rth Amer...an Ae...space De...nse Command, tell...

T. WILCUTT: This is Terrence Wilcutt, a United States Marine Corps officer and the Commander of Shuttle "Atlantis", mission STS-106. How copy, NORAD?

NRD: Comm... ...opy that.

T. WILCUTT: Shock wave with an estimated speed of about thirty Mach got out of the anomaly. It has already struck Argentina. It will reach the United States in twenty minutes. How copy, NORAD?

NRD: Cop... ...hat. "At...is, use...requency ...76..3..54…

S. ALTMAN: I did not understand anything.

T. WILCUTT: NORAD, read back. We don't understand what you say, I repeat: do not copy! Strong interference.

NRD: A... y... t...?

E. LU: Buenos Aires is gone…

T. WILCUTT: NORAD? NORAD, come in!

T. WILCUTT: Anyone from Earth, come in! This is Shuttle "Atlantis", STS-106 mission. We are witnessing a global cataclysm!

B. MORUKOV: It doesn't even slow down.

D. BURBANK: Oh, my God!

T. WILCUTT: Earth, come in! This is Shuttle "Atlantis", mission STS-106! Earth!

S. ALTMAN: Cap, Earth is silent. Everybody's silent!

R. MASTRACCHIO: God, help us all...

E. LU: So that's what the end of the world is like...

 _According to the official line, on September 21 of the same year, the Shuttle "Atlantis" burned in the atmosphere when trying to land in Kennedy space center. The members of STS-106 crew were dead._

 _The information was provided on March 23, 2017, by NASA and National Security Agency_


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1. Awakening**

Can the dream, in which you meet the closest people you once lost, be called a nightmare? You feel so overjoyed because you finally got a chance to see a priceless person again. You realize you have almost forgotten how he or she looked like. As time passes, the image gets blurry. And your imagination starts idealizing the person, filling in all the details that were erased from your mind. Then he or she goes before you, looking like an angel on the earth and trying to say something. Something important. Something that he or she never got the chance to say. Why do I call it a nightmare? The thing is that such anticipated meetings do not last long enough. And you're striving to imprint every single detail and every movement in your memory... And that little boy was trying to do the same.

"Are you sure?" the voice of some stranger was coming from a distance.

"Our world will come to an end one day. And I don't want to lose him too. I won't let it happen again," the woman that was holding a boy in her arms, replied too confidently. The boy didn't understand a thing. Or he didn't want to. He didn't care what the woman was saying and was just glad to see her again, to be near the dearest person in the world. It doesn't matter what she says or does. It doesn't even mean that she's fading away. Everything else is gone. There's only this blinding light and two silhouettes. A man and an idealized image of a woman. And the only thing that matters now is that she's with him. Again.

"You know, you're challenging the old way of living... and the new one. And, of course, _her_. Especially _her_. If _she_ wakes up..."

"That's why I'm going to create a world in which _she_ would have no place. A world, where my son will finally be happy." After these words, the little boy touched the woman's face with his tiny little paddies. And she smiled as brightly as only a loving mother could.

"You're saying you want to kill God?"

When the little boy heard the last word, he suddenly got a bad feeling. As if his whole little world started falling apart. It seemed like invisible waves swept through. There was something in the air that made everybody shiver. The church bells ring could be heard from a distance, becoming louder and louder.

Bong-bong-bong-bong.

" _She's_ not a God, so she has no right to control us." the woman snapped. However, it didn't change the way the little boy felt. His world has changed now and has become somehow deformed. It looked like millions of cobwebs tangled it. The boy was trying to catch on the fading image of the woman... The glass in front of him was still shattering and the sound of the bells was becoming louder.

Bong-bong-bong-bong.

"The Committee does not share your opinion."

"They don't know what I know."

Some weird and overwhelming images popped up in the boy's head. He was pushing them back, not wanting to watch. He did not want _to remember_.

Bong-bong-bong-bong.

"Do you know what will happen to your husband if he loses someone again?"

"He's strong and he'll do anything for me."

Some images floated before his eyes. These scary, painful images he was trying to forget so hard. He saw the lab, lots of flickering silhouettes, and his father, wearing a lab coat. The father who, all of a sudden, froze on the spot. The father, who has forgotten about his son. The father, who got the better of the pain of loss. The father, who has lost everything.

Bong-bong-bong-bong.

"And what about the boy?"

"He'll understand when he sees me again."

The last words echoed in the boy's head. He could not figure out what exactly he had to understand. Oh, no. He didn't want to understand anything. He just wanted to stay with his mom. Is this a crime? Why does he have to part from her? Why should he see her later and not now? What's the point?

Bong-bong-bong-bong.

The blinding light started going out, and there was only an impenetrable darkness. The silhouette of a man was gone. Two flickering lights appeared on his place, as if someone was watching them from the sidelines.

"Wake up!" No, no one has said that. It was someone's thought... right in the boy's mind.

Bong-bong-bong-bong.

"I am so sorry," the woman muttered. And then, her image began fading too fast. The boy tried to touch her face again, but his fingers treacherously slid over the cracked glass, on which the blood stains remained. The stains of his own blood.

Bong-bong-bong-bong.

"Come back to me," the stranger's thought popped up in his mind again.

"It's going to be alright, my treasure," the woman pushed the boy, and he went towards the red lights. Right in the darkness. He could see how a hint of regret flashed on her face. Like she wanted to tell him something. She wanted to tell him what future awaits him. But she hesitated. And the thundering ring of bells was gradually turning into a nasty squeak.

Bong-bong-bon-bon.

"The time has come."

The woman just vanished, and the boy tried to scream, but couldn't. He couldn't even utter a sound. He stepped up in the darkness, trying to reach out to something, but an irresistible force ice-locked him.

Bo-bi-bi-pi.

The boy wished to see the woman again. He just wanted to spend more time with his mom. The deafening squeak humming in his head grew stronger and stronger.

Pi-pi-pi-pi.

It seemed like something tried to drag him out of his dream, shaking his mind with bare hands and swearing enough to rouse the dead. So loudly and so nasty.

Pi-pi-pi-pi.

He kept clinging to such elusive and pleasant dream, trying not to pay attention to the vile beeping. It seemed to come out of the farthest corners of the universe right into his head.

Pi-pi-pi-pi.

"I must make it stop."

The boy tried to put this idea into action. He idly reached out to the source of the nasty noise, hoping to silence the thing that woke him up. It took some time to grope for the treacherous alarm clock standing on the bedside-table.

Pi-pi-pi-pi.

"Oh, come on!"

Pi-pi-pi-pi.

Having driven away the desire to throw this annoying beeper into a wall, the young man reluctantly opened his eyes. And the simple alarm clock turned off immediately. The unpleasant beeping stopped and the young man took a sigh of relief.

7:22 in the morning.

He rolled back and fixed his gaze upon the ceiling that he held somehow dear. Over the years, he examined all the cracks and wrinkles on it. He could have sworn that this ceiling would always be there when he wakes up. On the one hand, this thought calmed him down, because there is nothing more beautiful in this world than constancy. But again, he can't stay at his uncle's forever. And sooner or later he will have to leave this house. As any son has to leave his parents to start a new life.

Home. Was it his home then? Or it was just a shelter of some kind? The young man used to think of it as of _an emergency shelter_. However, as it turned out, there is nothing more permanent than a temporary thing. So he could say that it was his _home_. Of some kind.

"You really think so, Shinji?" he asked himself.

He cast a look at the alarm one more time.

7:26.

"Damn it," he swore silently. Sometimes the time passes at breakneck speed.

The slumbrose feeling has vanished as if by magic. And all the thoughts, which didn't bode well for him, have vanished at once. They could have evoked the unhappy childhood memories.

He was still so lazy, but somehow managed to get out of the bed. He absentmindedly pulled back the curtains. Sunlight flooded into the tiny room that was on the second floor. Shinji was glad that the windows looked to the South, and not to the East. After all, in this case, he wouldn't even need an alarm clock. But he definitely wouldn't want to wake up at the crack of dawn.

He didn't like much the view of the Nagoya city from the window of his room. Across a narrow one-lane highway, the three-storey apartment building stood. So, to his regret, Shinji couldn't admire the scenery in the morning. All major cities of Japan have similar residential areas, where the houses are literally placed side by side. A large wood meadow westward of his apartment was the only thing that he liked in this neighborhood. If you go to the balcony and turn your head to the right, you might see the tree-tops. As for the rest, the whole city was like a concrete jungle, wrapped up by the cables.

These cables were practically everywhere. They wrapped the houses like snakes constrict the prey. Every Japanese city is a real snake pit. Some believe that's romantic, but Shinji thought that this widespread picture was depressing and hopeless. Snakes eat everything they see.

Having stifled a desire to catch a breath of fresh April air, Shinji idly grabbed a towel and walked to the bathroom. By all accounts, in half an hour he should get away to Chigusa High School, but he only needs half an hour to get there. In short, he must be in the classroom in an hour. The young man took a breather again. He hated to hurry, but all the mathematical calculations were bringing him to life as quickly as no alarm could.

Shinji pulled the doorknob of the restroom, but it happened to be locked. More likely, his cousin Otoya occupied it. That speaks to the fact that his cousin is much more vigorous than Shinji today. Or it's all about the old habits of a baseball player. He used to get up early to go for a run. But Otoya wasn't really a person, passionate for cleanness, so he didn't need too much time.

"Hey you, frowny face!" the brother came out of the bathroom, smirking.

"Yeah, good morning," the young man yawned in response.

"You're a little late today. Had a nice dream too, huh? Come on, tell me."

"Well, not really. I don't ever remember if I had any," Shinji mumbled, trying to sneak into the bathroom.

"Yeah, sure. I see your mouth watering. Some chick came for your soul! I bet you were on fire!"

Having said that, Otoya slightly elbowed his cousin.

"Even if she did, she was looking for you then."

"Oh, come on. Don't mess it up! Okay, you'll tell me at breakfast. Hurry up and go spruce yourself up. We don't want her to wait for us again. Otherwise we'll be..."

"Douche bags..."

"That's it. See? You're a quick thinker!"

Shinji just nodded, closing the door behind him. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Otoya getting down to the kitchen. He silently thanked him for giving the positive emotions in the morning. Otoya was right. You can't make Mana wait at the crossroads, the place that has been their rendezvous point for many years.

Shinji's own reflection made him grow sad again. He saw a frowned person with messed up nut-brown hair. Gray-blue eyes looked so tired, and he got a feeling he needs to sleep for a couple hours at least. He lightly slapped his cheeks and tried to crack a smile. It didn't look well.

Shinji had a wash and went back to his room. It was so neat that emphasized the clean habits of the young man. He grabbed a school bag and put books and copybooks in it. And, he surely didn't forget the Sony Walkman. His father gave it to him when Shinji was little and mom was still alive. It was his father who was kind and still cared for him. Yeah, he wasn't perfect at the time, but he still could be called dad. But after Shinji's mother died, he has changed a lot.

The young man couldn't understand why he was still using this player. Maybe, because it was the only gift his father ever gave him. Meaning that somewhere deep inside, Shinji cherished some vague hope, buried under layers of hurt and disappointment. But this hope had no way out. That's why Shinji touched the letter, received from the father a month earlier, only twice: when he got it and when he was cleaning the house.

"Come here. Ikari Gendo."

That's all his father wrote him in such a long time. In the envelope, there were lots of papers that apparently contained the telephone data, cards, photos, and the badge. But he couldn't still make up his mind to take a look at them, let alone to call him. Only four cold words could kill any sign of happiness or joy. Let alone hope that Ikari Gendo, as a great undertaker, buried once for all.

Shinji didn't tell anyone about the contents of the envelope. He thought that this relic should remain a mystery and be put in a box with old things in the far corner of the attic. This is where it belongs. And then, someday, when he has kids, he will open this letter to remind himself that he should be a good father, not like Gendo.

Shinji quickly changed his clothes to a school uniform: black trousers and a white sleeveless shirt with the embroidered emblem of Chigusa High School.

Otoya was greedily devouring bacon and eggs. Hiro, Otoya's father, was absorbed in the newly bought LCD TV that cost a fortune. He had over a zillion fights with his wife because of it. However, any man is a child, only a big one. And the toys are getting bigger too. So Hiro could not get enough of his new toy.

Talking heads were on and on about some nonsense that didn't interest Shinji at all. The main topics were: politics, then, surely, foreign policy, the economy, and wars. And again: politics with the economy, economy, politics... It is a vicious circle.

"… _a demographic catastrophe. Official statistics report a decrease in Japan's population to 79 million…"_

At that time, Otoya's mother, Yaory, was cooking bento for every member of the family, plus one. Shinji was that "plus one." She cast a disapproving glance at him and continued. The young man knew that Yaory didn't like him much and was upstage with him. But that's as far as it ever went: only unkind remarks and baleful looks. However, every time it made him feel excluded. Shinji didn't blame the woman, but still, it didn't feel good.

" _...the way to make the economy grow cannot be understood yet. Business people are skeptical of the measures taken by the Cabinet of Ministers…"_

"Good morning," Shinji forced himself to speak as he was taking a seat near Otoya.

"Morning," the father muttered, having eyes glued on the TV.

Yaory didn't say anything.

"Bon appetit," Shinji murmured, digging in the same dish that his brother was eating. It was incredibly tasty, as always. The mistress knew how to cook. She never used cooking to take it out on the "extra mouth to feed." Shinji could not thank her in person as he had no idea how she would respond. But he still wished to express his feelings, so he said: "It's delicious."

"Uh huh, I'm loving it!" Otoya added.

" _..all the money will be spent on the development of the Self-Defense Forces. In particular, the financing of aviation and fleet will increase…"_

"They completely lost sight of everything. What is the country coming to?" the father of the family boiled over the TV.

"Catch a break and have a meal" Yaory gave her husband a hearty slap upside the head for a show.

"No, just listen to them!" Hiro exclaimed. "The health care and social programs will be slashed. And the money will be given to the military! In our generation, this would sound absurd, and these madmen would dig a political grave to themselves."

"Our time was over seventeen years ago, thanks to that meteorite," the wife said. "Since that time, we have been living in another world. And you're still surprised."

" _...the consultations on "Breakthrough-2017" site are held. It is expected that the common stance of the USA, Russia, Germany, and Korea on the NERV Special Agency would be developed…"_

"This doesn't mean that our kids don't have the right to live a decent life that we had before the Impact. It seems that all the diplomats exploded along with Tokyo. And now they can only rely on brute force. If they want to throw their money about, they'd better spend it on construction and reconstruction. Because the prefectures still look as if the catastrophe happened only yesterday."

"Our kids?" the wife sniffed in contempt, having missed everything else.

"Yes, our kids." the head of the family nodded, casting a glance at Shinji. Yaory rolled her eyes and leaned back in her chair.

" _...provocations in Hubei province. The Republic of China Armed Forces promised to give ground of the Chinese PLA in case..."_

"You want to talk about it again?" Hiro crossed his arms, raising his voice. "We have been looking after him for almost twelve years, since his early childhood. This is a very long time. Over the years, he has become the part of our family. That's why I think Shinji is ours. And you're still acting like a little girl."

Otoya already has eaten his breakfast and only nodded to his father. He was afraid to agree with him, not wanting to quarrel with his mother.

"… _the station. NASA and Roscosmos have moved to the third stage of a joint manned lunar program. The landing of a man is expected in two thousand twenty-sixth year, for the first time after the "Apollo" program…"_

The very same "hero of the day" tried not to interfere with the conversation. He just glanced at Yaory, who was ready to object but missed her chance.

"We took care of him and almost put him on his feet. Together, Yao. We're related by blood. And you're telling me that after all this, Shinji isn't ours? And he's not family?"

The woman thought of words trying to smother up the scandal. She had a different opinion of Shinji, even though it has gradually changed over the years. At first, she simply couldn't stand him. But time was passing, slowly and surely. A constant dropping will wear away a stone.

" _...helium-3. Industrial production is to be carried out in the forties after the construction of the lunar center…"_

"Guys," she started talking and an artificial smile appeared on her face. It looked like she tried to wear such a familiar mask. "Why don't you hurry to school? It's already five minutes to eight."

Otoya elbowed Shinji, implying that they should listen to this advice before the scandal started and the kitchen turned into the battlefield. The boys thanked the mistress, rose from the table and headed for the door, taking schoolbags with them.

When they were leaving the house, they heard some snatches of the conversation:

"...how can you not understand that this is not my…"

"...time already passed. And you still..."

"…you only say that because of the money that is sent by his..."

"...don't say that!"

Shinji brisked up his pace trying to get away from this. Once again he decided to run away from the problem. What could he do now? All his timid attempts to somehow get closer to Yaory failed miserably. He only made everything worse.

They went down the concrete steps, passed the garage, came out through the lattice gate and moved straight along the road with densely built-up houses. Shinji called this street the "Melancholy Avenue." The buildings looked better before the disaster of September 13, 2000 alias the Impact. This district was quite presentable back in the day. These days it only makes him feel melancholic. And today it only got worse because of another fight in the house. The young man wished to get out of here at the earliest moment. He didn't want to see these rickety huts, the paint on which came off long ago. It seemed like the wolf has finally dropped the sheep's clothing and showed his fangs. Shinji did not have the desire to be the Little Red Riding Hood, but he also couldn't find the courage to look the problem straight in the eye.

"Hey-Hey, Shin, back off!" Otoya caught up with him. "If you go at such a rapid-fire pace, we will break into perspiration at school!"

He was absolutely right. It was hot in the street as should be in spring, and the bright blue sky was clear and there was not a single cloud. The hot weather outside was so not like the coolness in the house, where there was an air conditioner. It seemed like the sun was going to burn them before they approach the school. And it's an early morning. By midday, it will probably be as hot as in hell.

"I just hurry to the park," he clumsily shut back, not slowing down the pace. "I don't want to keep her waiting!"

Otoya cheerfully clapped him on the shoulder.

"You weren't so cheery in the morning! Oh, you miss her already? Why won't you ask her out on a date, huh?"

"What date? We're friends." Shinji said the last words in a casual tone. He did believe it himself but had a terrible sinking feeling. There was a small imperceptible detail called hope that was still smoldering in his heart. But he didn't want to cling to it, chase rainbows and, especially, didn't want to hurt anyone if something goes wrong. And something would definitely go wrong. So Shinji was quite satisfied with the current situation and didn't want to change a thing.

"You know nothing, brother!"

"Yeah, like you do, Romeo..."

"FYI, two girls have already made a declaration of love to me," Otoya proudly stated. "There's also one girl that gave me a look."

"Well, you should make a harem."

"You know I like only _her_ , right?"

"What do I have to do with this?"

"Here's the problem: she likes you more than me. Yet. So yes, you have a lot to do with this."

"Uh huh, don't give me that!"

"Shin, come on, use your brain!" Otoya slightly tapped Shinji on the head. "I'm giving you a head start as your big brother and you don't want to use it. Anyway, go and ask her out! For me, it's really easy to find a girlfriend. Easy-peasy."

"Then you go ask her out if you're so confident."

"I'll take and do this! And you'll get a whole lot of nothing!"

"I need it like a hole in the head!" Shinji tried to look indifferently on purpose.

"I mean it, Shin. A year ago, when I saw you with her, I thought that you finally would be happy! And it turns out…"

"Not everyone's like you. You have only one thing on your mind. And I... I don't want to ruin our friendship over trifles."

"Yeah, sure. You know, during this year... Oh, okay... To hell with you. If you miss your chance, don't complain after."

Shinji tried to make a condescending face and said:

"I step back before my big brother!"

But he clearly wasn't a great actor, so Otoya just smiled at his lame attempts to be arrogant.

"Barnstormer!"

"Oh, shut up."

"I love you too, brother!"

They had to reach Nishiyama Junior High School that was a couple of blocks away. Both brothers kept such fond memories of this school. At that time, Shinji was unsociable and distrustful. He almost shut off himself from the world. Luckily, Otoya treated him well, taking him everywhere and trying to cheer him up. Once Hiro's son even confessed that he always dreamed of having a little brother or sister. But, unfortunately, Yaory hurt her stomach during the Impact. Then all the people in the world, including the Japanese, focused their efforts on the survival. It doesn't mean that some poorly qualified doctors executed the operation, but it was all about the severe shortage of specialists, equipment, and medicines. No one thought whether she would be able to have children or not. The question was would she survive or not.

That's why a four-year-old Shinji, who'd dropped from the clouds on Rukubungi family, became a brother to Otoya. As some kind of consolation. He was his cousin and that was enough.

However, the joy started fading away quickly because Shinji turned out to be a problem child. He was quite independent, a quick study, and never behaved like a brat. But at the same time, his temper left much to be desired. Shinji was quite a loner even when his mom was alive, and after that everything just got worse.

Hiro quickly gained Shinji's respect and trust. But it took lots of years to trust Otoya. He had several assumptions in this respect: Gendo and Hiro are blood brothers, therefore they look alike. So, Hiro was like a father to Shinji. The father he has never had. However, Otoya has never told it to anyone.

Today, Shinji got depressed again because of the morning fight. He was reminded that he's no one in this house. A stranger. Even Otoya's encouraging words didn't help. The young man was buried in his thoughts, building an invisible barrier with the outside world. He wasn't going, but wanderung next to the cousin, only occasionally giving him one-word answers.

The guys took to the road and turned to the North, towards Nishiyama Junior High School. They had to go to the Nishiyamanaka Park that was across the street from the school. Even though the street was more spacious than in the alleys, the houses still stood side by side. Countless wires and cables muffled up all the buildings. From this spot, it seemed that the city was occupied not by snakes, but by the unknown urban spider that covered all and everything with its cobweb.

Something caught Shinji's attention, taking his mind off the buildings and his family. Across the street, some girl was waving to them. It was his classmate. It was rather easy to recognize her as she was carrying a violin and a case in her hands, and was wearing a white hat with large margins. From under the hat, short chestnut hair that barely touched her shoulders could be seen. All the doubts were dispelled: she was wearing the Chigusa school uniform. It consisted of a black pleated knee-length skirt, a white sailor's jacket with an emblem on the chest, and red and black bow at the neck. If not for this school uniform, the girl could easily be confused with some princess.

And how Shinji managed to become friends with her? He was lost in conjectures. Nevertheless, meeting her in Nishiyamanaka Park has become a good tradition.

"Hi, Mana-chan!" Otoya shot out, taking away her violin case. This action has become so familiar that she pretended to resist only for the sake of decency.

"Don't, I'll carry it! I need to practice!"

"You want me to call you Kirishima again?"

"It's a blow under the belt," the girl said, giving him the precious instrument. "Thank You."

"Good girl!"

"Hey ho!" she pouted. "And why our Shin-kun is so gloomy again?"

"Our Mr. I-always-feel-blue didn't get much sleep. Again."

"Should I move away? I guess I embarrass you. You could talk about me in private," Shinji petulantly grumbled. Yet the presence of optimistic Mana seemed to energize him. So he certainly wasn't going anywhere. "Come on, we'll be late."

Everyone agreed since in Chigusa School one will be harshly punished if he or she skips lessons. Let's say, he or she would be cleaning all the sports grounds.

"You should be glad that someone's gossiping about you," Mana chuckled in response, and her smile softened Shinji's heart. His mood was definitely improving.

"Why is that?"

"That means you interest the gossips!"

"I need it like a hole in the head."

"You sound like a broken record, Shin," Otoya grinned.

"I'm not Shakespeare."

"What if I am?" the girl squinted and leaned closer to him, drawing all the attention to her.

Shinji scratched his head and responded:

"Well, maybe. In some way!"

"Of course!" the girl happily snapped out. "Have I ever let you down?"

"Well," Shinji scratched his cheek with a finger, opening his imaginary diary, "a year ago, I stayed at your place and couldn't get home cause it was too late. And that's only because someone wanted to stand out in the club. And what happened next? That's right, I stayed late with you, trying to teach you how to play violin with a partner. Aizawa-san is just like that: always bossing around."

"I just wanted to show Minami-san that I know how to play the violin!"

"Yeah, remind me: why did you drag me into this?"

"Well, you were my only classmate in the club," Mana smiled apologetically. "I didn't know anyone there, so I had to say that we were good friends."

"Huh, good friends," Shinji skeptically remarked. "Friends that didn't know each other until High School. At all."

"Come on, I didn't want to practice with Kazuo-kun."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing. It's just he seemed weird then... He looks like a son of the Yakuza!"

"I'll tell him that later."

"No!" Mana yelled and grabbed Shinji. "Don't, please don't! I'll do anything, just don't tell him!"

"Okay, okay, just stop shaking me!"

"Thank you so much!"

"Kazuo-kun," Otoya wedged in. "Isn't that the skinny kid with the glasses?"

"Uh-huh," Mana muttered.

"He's totally no mafioso!" He burst into a hearty laugh. "He's so skinny that if you give him a blow, he'll fly away."

"Have you seen his eyes? They're like Yakuza eyes! As if he'd already been in so much trouble that he lost count! He caused so many deaths... I suppose he wheedles debts out of people using a large bat!"

"I'll pass it to him," Otoya repeated Shinji's words with the very same face expression.

"You're not Shakespeare too," Shinji smirked.

"Oh, no! You, me... Just like brothers!"

"Yeah, you have quite an imagination there, Mana-chan," Otoya smiled.

"I can't help it," she said in a repentant voice. "When someone plays an instrument, my imagination starts working."

"And how does Shin look like when he's playing his cello?"

Shinji pricked up his ears.

"Let me think," Mans touched her lips with a finger. "He's probably Hachi."

Otoya burst into laughter that sounded worse than the neighing of a horse. He didn't care that the passers-by were staring at him.

"Whaaat?" the only thing Shinji could say.

"Well, when you play the cello, it seems that you're always waiting for something," the girl muttered. "Like you're telling everyone you're sleeping right now or everything around you isn't real. And you're waiting for your real life to start. Something like that."

"Over the eight years that I have been playing the cello, I have never heard anything like that," Shinji said. "I shouldn't have listened to anyone and start to play it…"

"But you're such a good player!"

"Practice makes perfect," he waved. "You have an ear for music. You're better than me. In two years, you have achieved a lot. It took me years to do it."

"I still play worse than you."

"Tell me that in a couple of years, when we will be graduating."

"Oh, as if you're not going to improve your skills by that time."

"With my enthusiasm..." he rolled his eyes.

Mana stood angrily with her hands on her hips, not going to give up. More precisely, she wanted Shinji to give up.

"But you love music. You listen to it all the time on your player!"

"Let's not go crazy!" he whiffed.

Mana incredulously squinted. And Shinji thought that she was going to scheme against him. As if that wasn't enough.

"Shin, why don't you take your cello home?" Otoya offered, shaking the case with the violin. "It would be an extra practice."

"Will you carry the case for me? I'll carry the violin."

"Well," Rokubungi Senior figured. "I don't really want to."

"Yeah, and I just love carrying it! I can barely drag myself through this heat…"

"I just figured that it would be nice if you played at home more often. Mom likes the classics, you know."

Shinji spread his hands. He'd be happy to do it, but it's quite unpleasant to carry it.

"Maybe, once a month," he said joylessly.

"That's good. Right."

It doesn't mean how much Otoya hoped to help Shinji improve his relationship with Yaory. Shinji doubted that playing the cello at home would change the situation. He has fallen under the impression that her fundamental attitude towards him will never change. Yaory can only get used to it. But that's already happening. She certainly won't change her mind.

"By the way, Shin-kun," Mana shamelessly interrupted his thoughts, "Minami-san forgot to tell you yesterday that today we will be rehearsing Bach's "Air".

"Air on a G-string," the young man corrected her with a noticeable Japanese accent. "And how will we perform it, if we have only two violins and one cello? Okay, two more violins will do. But Ishikawa-san and Yamada-san have graduated. You don't need wind instruments here, as well as the piano. That is, at least two people will not be able to play. And this is wrong."

" _Improvisation!"_ she tried to impersonate someone but failed and puffed out her cheeks. "Takashi-san can play the second cello, and Minami can ask the older brother to lend an electronic piano for Kazuo-san. And we're not going to perform the "Air" on the stage of the Koyo Conservatory of Music. We'll limit ourselves to the stage of our school during the festival."

"I didn't understand anything," Otoya wedged in. "But we still have a couple of months."

"That's the point! It takes time for Takashi-san and Kazuo-san to get used to new instruments, for us to find new talents among freshmen, to learn, and to play... and in the twinkling of an eye, the fall will come!"

"I'd take something from romantic music. For instance, Strauss or Wagner. And no one would fall asleep during the performance, I hope."

"I thought you loved Bach. And last year, we didn't put anyone to sleep."

"I _love_ Bach. But I believe that it's not a great idea to perform it in front of the school auditorium, which was listening to Paganini last year. Try sleeping there."

"Oh, I did!"

Both Shinji and Mana angrily glanced at Otoya.

"I'm kidding, you guys! I remember you playing. And your Aizawa was dropped with sweat. Like she was playing baseball with us and going through all the innings."

"Well, that's her. She's obsessed with it. Long story short, "Air", Shinji. "Air"! All complaints should be sent only in written form and given to Minami-san," the girl concluded.

"Why, God, why?" Shinji moaned. "We could choose something else."

"No, we couldn't. You know her: at first, we need to create a problem, and then overcome it heroically."

"There's hardly someone who would make her understand that she can ascend the Fuji herself?"

"You'll have time to complain. And now let's go down to business."

Shinji took a deep breath in response.

"Come on," Mana continued "You'll have your reward."

"Oh, really?" Shinji doubted. "And what will I get?"

"Who knows," the girl replied dreamily.

When crossing the high-speed road 217, Shinji noticed that there were more cars and people than before. Everyone was hurrying: some to work, some – to school. The city was waking up and coming to life after a night of rest. He liked to cut into the stream and lose himself in musing. He didn't forget the player and he'd listen to the music now but considered that it wouldn't be nice. Meanwhile, those two were talking about something. The morning was definitely getting better and better, and the mood of the young man was improving.

"How do you do that, Mana-chan?" Otoya suddenly asked.

"Do what?"

"Cheer my brother up. I mean it! He rarely argues or shares his opinion with someone. Would you give me a couple of private lessons?"

Shinji only rolled his eyes. He wanted to close his ears as his friends were talking about him again. When he's around.

"Well," Kirishima stumbled, thinking, "I radiate special spiritual energy!"

"Here's just one little prick that doesn't appreciate your efforts," he dug Shinji in the side. "Maybe we should leave him, Mana-chan?"

"What will I be doing without Shin-kun? I'll be lost. Everyone in the club will eat me alive!"

"You can eat anyone yourself," Shinji shrugged.

"Hey, I can get offended!"

"See, Mana-chan?" Otoya tried to hide his smile but failed. "What did you find in my moody brother? Let's go for a walk once. Alone."

The girl blushed for a second, but then pulled together. A long-awaited excitement could be seen in the eyes. It's time to take the offensive!

"Are you jealous, Otoya-kun?" she asked sarcastically, grasping both brothers' arms. "Don't worry, I love you both equally!"

Shinji got embarrassed by such a confession and tried to unleash his hand delicately, but his cousin seemed amused. He locked her hand, and their fingers intertwined.

"Aren't you afraid that you can be the cause of the fight of two brothers?" Otoya ominously asked.

"I'd be lying if I said that it would be unpleasant for me," she snatched out her hand and turned to the second brother. "Would you fight for me, Shin-kun?"

Shinji was taken aback and becme as red as a beetroot. He didn't know what the reason for it was: an unexpected conversation or the fact that Mana cuddled up too close to him. A pleasant fragrance of the girl turned his head, and he wished to forget himself in it for a while. However, he managed to pull himself together and tried to look cool. But it turned out to be quite difficult. He couldn't constrain himself to speak and whiffed an uncertain "uh-huh". His cousin came to the rescue:

"No one would win in such a fight, Mana-chan." Otoya was clearly satisfied with himself. He took her hand again, like a real gentleman does. "Because both _samurais_ would have you."

"It's so unfair!" the girl exclaimed vividly.

"You signed up for this. I didn't say that, you did." Otoya shrugged, letting go of her hand.

The girl put out her tongue, and they burst in laughter.

But Shinji didn't. Manas's touches and charming smell were still on his mind. His heart began to beat rapidly. Such closeness intimidated him, and he was afraid to hurt the girl with his clumsiness. And even more: he was afraid to be hurt. Like his father hurt him. He betrayed him and left when his mother died. But Shinji would be lying if he said he didn't like Mana to be so close to him. And this contradiction was tearing him apart.

"Ahem," the girl said, not intending to stop the game. "What would sound better: Rokubungi Mana or Ikari Mana?"

She giggled when she saw the confusion on the faces of both brothers.

"Rokubungi Mana sounds a little lame," Otoya indifferently noticed and winked at his brother. "Oh, right! I promised Satoe to go on a date with her!"

"So, that's what you're up to!" Mana snapped, taking Shinji's hand. It was impossible to figure out whether she got angry or just was a great actress.

Shinji convinced himself that it was just another Kirishima's whim that didn't mean anything. This has happened more than once and would certainly happen again. He couldn't help but admit that he had enjoyed the moment to some extent. At the same time, he got really embarrassed, because now the passers-by were staring at them. To the surprise of Shinji, the girl also flushed a little but didn't let go of his hand. All three stopped speaking and the awkward silence appeared.

Mana let go of Shinji when they came closer to the gates of Chigusa High School. She took the case with the violin and joined a group of girls, which gossiped about her relationships with both brothers. They were cracking jokes, trying to find out the truth. She just shrugged, and the girls giggled again.

Before Otoya parted with Shinji at lockers with interchangeable shoes, he winked at his brother once again and wished him good luck.

"Don't you think it's enough?" Shinji started talking.

"Here we go again... Mana-chan is almost throwing herself at you. Stop ditching her!"

"I'm not kidding. I don't want to screw everything up and ruin our friendship. I have neither experience nor courage."

"Everybody makes first steps. There is nothing wrong with it."

"You don't understand," Shinji sighed. "I don't have any romantic feelings for her.…"

"Like I didn't see you blushing as red as a beetroot when she snuggled up to you! Come on, admit it, you had some dirty thoughts, huh?"

"It's only lust. It is different! You know how to get rid of it. You just need more napkins!"

"You're a fool, Shin. A real fool."

"I know," he replied seriously. "That's why I don't want to toy with a young girl's affections. I can lose a close friend, and all for what?"

Otoya clicked his tongue and closed his locker.

"Okay, do what you want," Otoya waved and headed to the third B class. He whistled to some girls, telling them some vulgar things. It was an ordinary day of such an ordinary Rokubungi Otoya.

Shinji took a deep breath again and scratched his head out of habit. He was going to enter the second C class, where Kirishima Mana was waiting for him.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2. You are** **not** **alone**

To some extent, Shinji even liked to study. He had no real thirst for knowledge and always preferred to go along with the tide. The studies helped him to take his mind off the problems and focus on something that wouldn't concern him. His mind and memory were compact of new information, so there was simply no room for bad memories. When he was plunged into the history and the world of magic numbers, or was climbing the mountains and passing oceans, he was forgetting about his problems just for a little while. At these moments he didn't have to think about the meaning of life or the future, and he probably didn't have to try to understand himself. Teachers and the education program helped him get rid of the unnecessary information and fill his mind with a new one. So Shinji listened to the teachers and was trying to memorize everything. He was quick in decisions and was easily solving the tasks and sums due to his focus on the subject. Here came the excellent progress in studies. No, he wasn't a straight A student, but he could help his classmates with homework and different tasks. Not that Shinji liked to help people and do someone else's work for them. He was just going along with the tide. Again. It's another opportunity to forget everything else.

However, Shinji always enjoyed helping Mana. For the past year, he barely managed to make some friends in the class. It was always difficult for him, and, frankly speaking, he wasn't really trying to become friends with anyone. It was Kirishima who talked to him first, but she had her own reasons. After all, he was the only one from her class who also entered the musical club. One thing led to another, and they became undivided friends.

After lunch, Mana stepped up to his desk and suddenly asked:

"Shin-kun, have you ever wondered why no one tapers with you? Ever."

Shinji got surprised at the question and took his headphones off.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, no one's mocking or bullying you. Don't get me wrong, but people like you get bullied a lot. And our class is not an exception. The poor Nomura always gets it in the neck."

"Maybe they're afraid of my brother? Shinji shrugged. It didn't interest him much. But Mana wasn't going to leave him alone."

"No. You're just a Yes Man," she said, trying to look indifferent. "You always do whatever you're asked to do. It's a good thing that no one has asked you to jump from the third floor yet. Or, I'm afraid you'd do it."

"Well, I'm sorry for that. Honestly. Do you want me to change?"

"To change? No, I like you just the way you are. That's why I rarely ask you to do something for me. I don't want to be selfish like others."

"You're not," he assured her and grinned. "Actually, I like it when you ask something. It's nice to help you."

"Then," she hesitated a little, working up the courage, "I have something for you. I'll ask you after the club. A little surprise for Ikari Shinji."

She snapped her fingers in the guy's face. But he wasn't thinking of the snap. He just didn't like that she mentioned his surname. It reminded him of the father.

"I don't really like surprises. I hope this isn't one of your crazy ideas. Does Otoya have anything to do with this?"

"Otoya-kun? No, no, no. Nothing like that. I think we'll do without him and he won't get offended. So you can text him that he doesn't have to wait for us after class."

Shinji shrugged again and took out an old Samsung folder phone. He couldn't use it to access the Internet, play modern games or listen to music. It was just a typical dialer. There was an unremarkable phone strap in the form of a black Maneki-neko cat hanging on it. This little trinket was a gift from Mana by way of gratuity. At the last school festival, Shinji came through for Kirishima as she had loads of work and problems.

While the young man was texting his brother, the girl continued to explain herself in a low voice.

"I just want to ... make a choice," She stumbled again.

"What choice?" the young man got distracted from the set.

"You're going to laugh," she moved closer, and Shinji once again felt that very same delight. "I just had a dream. It was so bright and real as if I wasn't sleeping at all!"

"A prophetic dream? What did you see?"

"I was wandering in the darkness and couldn't find a way out. I was so scared and cold!"

"Was it a nightmare?"

"No, I don't think so. But still, it was creepy. In short, I suddenly saw two red lights in the distance. They looked like the eyes of a beast; like they wanted to eat me alive. But at the same time, they gave me hope. Do you understand what I mean?"

"Not really ... Maybe you should keep to the point."

"Forget it! I'm leaving!" Mana stamped her foot.

"So what happened next?" Shinji tried to pretend that he was interested. And that was enough. She caught fire.

"They gave me a choice, or so I thought. Because they didn't really say anything to me. I didn't know, whether I had to go with them or stay. I decided to take risks and follow them. So I followed the lights. For some reason, I was sure that they would lead me out of this darkness and won't even try to eat me. Not warmth, but confidence was coming from them. I can't even describe the feeling. They were like beckoning me to something pleasant. Not leading to the slaughter."

"So how long you were wandering?"

"Not long. They led me to some balmy meadow. It wasn't a day, of course. The sky was spattered with stars, and the meadow was strewn with flowers!"

"And?"

"And that's it. Then I woke up."

"Sorry, I don't follow."

"It kind of gave me the idea that it is time to change something in my life," Mana hesitated for a second. "That I have to make a life-changing choice."

"Wow, cool. What kind of choice?"

"You'll see, _Shinji_. I hope you'll like it. I really hope so."

Having said that, she quickly slinked away to her friends. They began asking her something, but she only looked at Shinji and smiled. Her cheeks pinked a little. Nevertheless, he had no idea what was on her mind. Though Mana was a pretty girl, she might take some eccentric actions. That's why the young man stopped trying to understand the logic of her actions. Or show surprise.

What choice she has to make? Maybe she'll drag him to the mall again to choose another dress or swimsuit. She never asked Otoya to go shopping with her because he would peek into the fitting-room. But Shinji was patient and only occasionally muttered under his breath. What if it's a date she was talking about? Then, maybe, Mana meant that she needs to make a choice between the brothers? In that case, Shinji didn't stand a chance. Otoya would definitely give him a head start. Ikari nervously chuckled: "He already did." Still, he didn't want to use it at all.

After the classes, Mana and Shinji went at a leisurely pace to the musical club. The girl was surprisingly quiet and laconical. As if he communicated her a virus called "self-scrutiny". Kirishima became lost in her thoughts, which was quite unusual. So Shinji was on pins and needles. She could do anything in such a state.

"Finally!" Aizawa Minami exclaimed, banging on her wristwatch. "We've been waiting for you."'

Minami, a student of the third A class, was the club leader. She was rather vigorous and had an acute mind. And she was such a beauty that even pretty Kirishima couldn't beat her and was always in the sidelines. Perhaps the reason for this was her long and well-groomed black hair. Or maybe it was all about her long shapely legs. She was always wearing a skirt above her knees. It was against school rules, but many girls with such legs were taking up their skirts. Some way or other, Shinji was beckoned to her. But he couldn't dare to make the first step or at least become friends with her. As he did with Mana. Minami was popular at school and was always busy. The young man was afraid that she wouldn't want to be friends with such a boring and ordinary guy.

"Ikari-kun, today we count on you," a long-haired girl started giving orders, clicking her fingers. "You're the only one who plays cello here now. You can practice for now. I _know_ you _have learned the "Air" by heart_. I'll join you later. The others – come up to me now."

No one dared to disobey the imperious Aizawa.

Shinji took his worse for fear cello and settled in the middle of the room so that he could create a smooth acoustic. Other guys gathered in the corner of the room, where Minami was explaining her plan in details and was handing out notes. Takashi clearly disapproved of the plan, and Mana tried to defend the leader. Musicians are creative people, so sometimes they can be too emotional. Shinji wasn't surprised to hear another fight. Over the past year, there have been dozens of them. He even took part in a couple of them that surely wondered everyone. At such moments, Aizawa always took his side, saying that even if quiet Ikari thinks so, it should be true. She believed that Shinji was so quiet not out of uncertainty, but out of wisdom. Though, he couldn't find any wisdom in himself. At these particular moments, he was feeling good, nice and warm.

People think that in the club of classical music there is always silence, peace, and complete idyll. Boredom to death. In fact, the club that Shinji attended in Junior High School was just like this, so he liked it a lot. But here, in Chigusa High School, there was Aizawa Minami. So the room was always full of clatter and chatter.

The young man didn't really have a great sense of humor and never used sarcasm. But he wanted to emphasize the senselessness and an amusing side of their hot dispute. Furthermore, they weren't disputing on Aizawa's plan anymore. That's why he chose "Allegro", Mozart's thirteenth serenade, to be an opening act. Sure, it's not so beautiful and charming without violin but he still decided to give it a try.

Having laid the bow on the strings, Shinji sighed and closed his eyes. A second later he started to play.

The room and its every corner were filled with music. The waves were vibrating with the sweet music of the cello.

"It's too fast for an opening."

But Shinji wasn't going to stop. He was drowning in this timeless masterpiece that appeared in the world in all its splendor a century ago. And it will certainly live to the end of time. Here they are: immortality and eternity. It only takes someone's desire to touch it.

And then, someone started playing the violin next to him, picking up his tempo. It took quite a bit for both musicians to start playing a due. And thus, the violin and the cello were playing in the same impulse. Shinji didn't see who joined him since he was playing with his eyes closed. As always. But it didn't matter because the sounds were intertwined in harmony. They were like Yin and Yang.

The second violin joined on the spur of the moment, as if in a heat of passion and jealousy, not always matching pitches. Such disharmony sounded extremely awful, so Shinji tried to help the second violin to keep the pace. It took very little for them to start playing in harmony again. And the wonderful music filled the room again, taking a different turn and lugging everyone in the room off to the beautiful world of lightheartedness and celebration of music.

When the music stopped, Aizawa gave the guy praise while the members of the club were applauding him.

"Quite an opening, Ikari-kun!" Minami said, laying her hand on his shoulder. She was a little out of breath, and perspiration sprang to her face. But she still had more than enough. "How is that for the love of music? Everyone would do well to learn from you! You should devote yourself to it like Shinji does. You have to lend your soul to it and put everything else off."

Shinji smiled shyly, scratching his head. He definitely liked that such a diligent girl was praising him. And what is more, she didn't take her hand off his shoulder, and the young man felt the heat coming from Aizawa. She leaned close to him, even closer than Shinji wanted. And he could feel her rapid breathing.

"I want you to lead the Bach part. No one can do it better than you, even I," she said in a beckoning voice so that everyone could hear. "Give it your all, I count on you."

"But how can a cello possibly lead in "Air"?"

"Figure it out!"

Having said that, she tousled his hair and went to the other participants. His heart started beating faster.

"Calm down, Shinji," he said to himself. "She has a boyfriend who studies at the university, and the family that owns their business. She is just perfect in everything. You don't stand a chance."

Then it suddenly dawned on him: he has never imagined that he could be dating with someone. Well, today he was thinking about Mana, but she's his best friend and he can't imagine her as his girlfriend. He remembered Otoya, who was always getting down on him for not trying to find one. However, his brother wasn't that experienced in this area. He gave up trying once he met Mana. And today he blustered that he would ask her out... And given the fact that Kirishima decided to make a choice today and to do it without Otoya... you can guess what she's up to. Here comes the freaking love triangle. So what's to be done? The easiest option for Shinji is to let his brother have her, because, as it turns out, he'd had her in sights long ago. By all means, it's a little frustrating. But it would be better for everyone, since Ikari thinks of the girl as of his friend. Even a close one.

Shinji glanced at pouting Mana, who was squinting sulkily as she watched Minami go. It suddenly dawned upon him that it was her who played the second violin. Having seen her like this, Shinji realized that he has to do something before it gets out of control.

Meanwhile, Aizawa wasn't wasting time. She started handing out sheets, and made Takashi-san to sit and play the second cello. She didn't forget to cheer him up and say that everything would work out fine.

"And you, Kazuo-kun, will be conducting today," the leader of the club commanded. "Alas, we don't need you playing the piano today."

"Like I can conduct," the skinny nerdy-looking boy replied. "Remember, last time it didn't turn out the way you expected?"

"But you learned your lesson, didn't you? And who knows, maybe if you'd entered a ballet club, you would have performed on stage now."

"Did you forget that Shinji's leading? Maybe he could also be a conductor?"

"And you, can you play the cello?"

Kazuo only snorted, but without any malice.

"Improvise! You're in charge of a rhythm, Shinji – of the tempo."

Kazuo finally gave up and took the sheets in one hand and a spare bow in the other. He needed the bow since the baton got broken a couple of months ago, during one of the disputes. And the School Board President refused to give money for a new one, so they had to find a way. The thing is that the President hated Aizawa, and this hatred was mutual.

After a while, everyone was ready. Minami nodded in approval, and the nerdy-looking boy commanded:

"Well, guys, take it away!"

The beginning was terrible. Takashi tried to handle the instrument he rarely used. He was lucky to know the musical piece. He couldn't hide the dissatisfaction and was casting sidelong glances at Aizawa. Mana didn't know the sheets too, so she constantly had to catch up the tempo or to slow down. He could see the request for forgiveness written all over her face. But she didn't need it since she was learning with the breakneck speed. Kazuo was waving his bow and silently repeating all the sheets. At the same time, he could also listen to Shinji. He was surprisingly focused, despite all his reluctance to be a conductor. As expected, Minami was the only one who could play well, without errors. But even she lacked experience and practice. Now Shinji realized why she told him to lead: he is the only one who knows how to play the immortal work of Bach. The young man was setting the rhythm until the members of the classical music club started playing in sync.

"Air on a G String" was pouring into the walls of the room, wrapping each member of the club with its melody. Bach's magic made all the boys and girls think about something else, finding pleasant memories in the hidden corners of their memory. It seemed that if the team was co-operated, they would be able to change the world, asking the angels to respond to this wonderful call.

There was another part after the first one. One feedback session after another. Even unhappy Takashi was hitting it off. Constant debates and discussions, which were tearing the club apart, were replaced by hard work. The music was becoming more harmonious. For a fleeting second, Shinji wished it lasted forever. As this immortal musical piece.

It started growing dark when Minami announced the end of the productive day and sent everyone home. Guys, having thanked each other, took their instruments and went home. Mana volunteered to clean the club room and asked Shinji to help her. And Shinji, surely, didn't mind as he was still in a blissful mood and had his head in the clouds.

"Don't forget to leave the key in the teacher's room!" Aizawa said, before leaving.

In a second, she bounced into a room again and yelled:

"You'd better not do anything indecent here!" she waggled her finger. "I'm talking to you, Kirishima!"

Mana involuntarily boggled:

"Whaaat?" she pouted. "Why me?"

"Because Ikari-kun is a decent guy!"

"Thanks for the compliment," Shinji pouted a little. No, of course, he was pleased that Aizawa appreciates it. But still, there was something offensive in it.

"I'm actually decent, too!" Mana got embarrassed.

Shinji wanted to support his friend since he couldn't recall her doing anything incriminating. However, he didn't get a chance to say it.

"A little less decent," the leader of the club maliciously said and went away.

"Well, thanks, Aizawa-san," Shinji mentally caught up with her, "you're kind of tactless."

Some angry growl could be heard from Kirishima's side, which wasn't quite characteristic of this lovely girl. It seemed that she was ready to break the mop in half.

After the sweep-up, Mana went to the open window, admiring the early sunset. The sun was already tending to the horizon, but in spite of this, there was an unbearable heat outside. There was not even a light wind.

The room was unusually quiet. No music, no talking. Only muffled sounds coming from other clubs.

"I wish I could stay here!" Shinji happily reflected. He's rarely been like this.

Mana turned her back to the window. She clearly intended to say something, and was choosing the right words.

"What are we going to do here? Shall we play another part?"

"No, that's enough for today. I just liked how quiet and peaceful it is here. And you can't hear the wild shouts of baseball players. Thanks to the weather."

"And we're here. Just the two of us. _Alone_."

Shinji nodded.

"Shin-kun, this may sound kind of unethical," Mans stumbled for a moment. "But, do you like Aizawa-san?"

Shinji became somewhat startled by the question. Does he like Aizawa? He most certainly does. He could feel that he was beckoned to her. But he also knew that they could only be friends. That's it. They just come from different worlds.

"Yeah, I like her." He saw Mana straining herself. "I like her as a friend. The way I like you, and you like me. I think. And, what's with all these questions?"

"Do you like me only as a friend?" Now her cheeks turned red.

Mana took his hand and pulled it to her. He got the same feeling as in the morning. His heart started pounding again. Shinji knew what Kirishima was going to say. And he had no idea how to respond. Does he like her more than just a friend? As a girl? Kirishima was always there for him. He was at ease with her as she could cheer him up. Always. Moreover, he felt alive with Mana. She helped him get rid of all the negative stuff. He definitely wanted to be near her. What if this is the true love that he was taking for friendship?

But what about Otoya then? He clearly liked Mana. Maybe, he was even in love with her. And Shinji couldn't tell whether he was in love with Mana or not. Though, he had to answer right now. The young man closed his eyes tight, trying to imagine himself with her. The way that is shown in all sorts of romantic movies. He tried to see them walking in the park, holding hands, going on dates to all sorts of cafes or movies, and cuddling. Or kissing in a quiet place... But all in vain. He couldn't imagine it. Does this mean he's not in love? Or he can't know due to his inexperience? He was also afraid to hurt her with his inability to treat girls. He feared that if they get too close, Shinji would ruin everything. That he would hurt her, and she would hurt him. And thus, they would hurt Otoya.

The girl could see that he was nervous. She knew that Shinji was confused and it was hard for him to describe what he feels. Mana decided to simplify a problem, having touched his cheek with her left hand and having leaned to him closer. He could feel the same pleasant fragrance again. And it made him shudder.

"You know," she smiled diffidently, "I like you more than just a friend."

Shinji could only sigh heavily at these sweet pleasant words. It was all he could do at the moment.

"And for a long time. I mean, a really long time. Though, you never noticed anything," Mana continued to speak, stumbling. "Or maybe you did, but you weren't sure. I don't know, but... I was waiting for you to make the first move. And... and ... I finally decided to do it myself. Because I can't do this anymore, I can't keep quiet. That's... it."

"But what about Otoya?" Shinji murmured. He regretted saying it at once, since it was so inappropriate at the moment. Things got out of control.

"He's also... a good guy. And, not to twist around... I'd say I lo...love him too."

Mana gave Shinji a level look. Her pretty face expressed confusion, perplexity and, at the same time, the courage to tell everything that was on her mind.

"But I can't be with both of you at the same time, no matter how much I want to be. It's unbearable, you know. Too unbearable. You are so close, but at the same time, so far from me. That's why I want," she stumbled again, clinging to her skirt. "No, I must make a choice."

Shinji didn't know what to say. She declared her love to him, and, at the same time, to Otoya. The young man didn't even know whether he should rejoice or be upset. What does any other guy have to feel in such situation? What should he say or do? He couldn't find the answer in the depths of his consciousness.

"And I liked you... f-first," Mana didn't lost the initiative as she could see Shinji's spiritual torments. "And this morning, or rather this night, after the dream, I realized who I want to be with. It just hit me... you know?"

"Well..." before he could finish, she put a finger to his mouth.

"The c-choice," she bit her lower lip, "my... choice."

Flushed Mana raised herself on tiptoes to get Shinji's lips. At first, the young man forgot about everything else and decided to just surrender. But some image popped up in his head and that played a fatal role. He remembered seeing the way Otoya was looking at Mana today and how they were holding hands. And he imagined how much it would hurt him. Yes, today the brother gave Shinji a hit to do something. As if making it clear that he will not interfere or obstruct. But the tragedy part was that Ikari had no romantic feelings for Kirishima. At least not until now. Should he give in to the flow of the present and just accept it? And what then?

It was worth enormous efforts for Shinji to pull away from the sweet inevitable kiss. Mana froze in a silly position. The bewilderment on her face was replaced by disappointment, and then – by shame. She put her head down. Her shoulders shrank, and her eyes buried in the floor like a withering flower. She slightly moved back with swollen eyes.

Shinji heart was pounding, and he started dropping with sweat. He knew he had to say something, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't come up with anything. He suddenly realized what fatal mistake he'd made. Trying to fix it, he reached out to her, but Mana pushed him away. Having buried her face in hands, she took off like a shot of a gun.

He just stood there for a while. Somewhere in the distance, the voices of club members could be heard. They didn't know all the drama happening between these young people.

He remembered Aizawa's words: "You'd better not do anything indecent here!" She must have second sight.

Shinji fell into the nearest chair, trying to understand what had just happened. He barely began to realize how much he hurt her. She opened up to him, trusted him, and wanted to give him a piece of her warmth, her _love_. And Shinji literally had rejected her feelings.

He was torn. He didn't want to hurt Otoya, but he hurt Mana.

Shinji jumped out of the room to try to find her. He wanted to make things right and explain everything. To comfort her. To hug her.

To kiss? Maybe.

His heart started pounding even harder. Shinji went to every floor, calling her name, trying to find her. He hoped he could turn back. But she was gone.

He went back to the club's room, wishing with all his heart to see Mana there. But Shinji's hopes broke when he saw the empty room and her untouched things. He fell into the same chair again and was ready to cry. He was shuddering as if he had chills. His heart was jumping out of his chest.

"What have I done?"

"What have you done?"

He repeated these questions to himself.

"There is another way to meet Mana."

Shinji took the bag and the case with the violin, clicked the room and walked to the staffroom. He didn't have to hurry. He was thinking of the way he would apologize to Mana.

Shinji knew where Kirishima lived. Her house was to the South from Kamioka Park. It usually took twenty minutes to get there, but this time it was forty. That means she ran away from him over an hour ago. The young man could only imagine what Mana was feeling this whole hour and the pain she had to endure. However, he found out that she hasn't returned home yet.

"She probably went to one of her friends to cry her heart out."

Having left her stuff to the Kirishimas, the guy slowly went home. Mana's family started asking questions and wondered what had happened. But what could he tell them? "She declared her love to me and I rejected her"? So he left them in the dark. He couldn't tell them the truth, but he also couldn't lie.

"Otoya's going to kill me."

Shinji was completely devastated. The more time passed, the less desire he had to face Mana. Now, aside of all feelings, there was also shame for his actions. Shame for what she did because he was still perplexed. He didn't understand why she did it. Did she really love him? Today she said that she loves both of them. But she chose Shinji. Why? Was he any better than Otoya? Or it was out of pity? After all, his brother had no problems with the opposite sex and was popular with the ladies. To a certain extent.

Shinji knew that he can't run away from the problem. Sooner or later he'll have to face it, if he wants to maintain friendly relations with Mana. And this is likely to happen tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow. Tops.

The sky had already turned red when he reached his home. All this way seemed endless to him. His stomach was frantically asking for food. The head was buzzing, and he was shivering.

Having opened the door, he decided that no one was home. The empty garage was the evidence of it. He found the note pinned to a fridge, saying that no one's going to be home till 9 pm. Shinji knew that Yaory left dinner in the fridge. And if anything, he is quite good at cooking too.

His stomach rumbled again, asking for food.

Suddenly, Shinji heard a quiet sobbing coming from the second floor. He noticed Mana's shoes in the hallway. Shinji instinctively slapped himself on the forehead. It makes sense that she ran to Otoya to seek consolation. He even breathed a sigh of relief, because he shouldn't explain everything to the brother now. Otoya wouldn't have believed him. And then, he would have buried him alive.

Shinji decided not to disclose his presence and slowly, almost on tiptoe went up to the second floor. He was afraid to find Mana crying since he has never seen her like this. But something was telling him that he can't run away this time.

As he was getting closer to Otoya's room, he started hearing not only sobs. Something else. Having clung to the open door and looked with half an eye, he almost fell with a genuine shock. Shinji wasn't wrong: Mana was sobbing, but at the same time she was moaning softly in Otoya's arms. Shinji desperately tried to convince himself that she was just sitting on his brother's laps and hugging him, seeking comfort. And everything else was just a creation of his mind. But that wasn't true. Half-naked and engaged in a tender passion, they didn't give him any chance. Shinji went numb, watching the scene that had ruined his entire world.

The small amount of blood on the sheets brought him to life. Only now he noticed that he was also hot and was eagerly watching his brother _comforting_ his best friend. His eyes clung to Kirishima's naked body.

He felt disgust. Loathing. He loathed himself in the first place. With a numb face, he turned around and walked to his room, not caring about the stealth. There he shook everything out of the school bag and methodically, as if in a trance, began to throw all the necessary things in it. As if he was going on a long hike. In the stash he found all the pocket money that he had been saving for a long time. He blindly put a player in it. Shinji fixed his eyes on the letter. He was running out of time and couldn't decide whether he had to take the letter or not. The sound of stomping brought him back to reality.

"There's no time for it."

Now Shinji felt rage and betrayal. He just refused to kiss her. Nothing more. And she betrayed him in response.

Someone would say that it's retribution. But Shinji didn't think so. He hasn't done anything so bad to deserve such a betrayal from both of them. Jealousy was tearing him apart. Only now he realized how much he cared for Mana and that he wasn't ready to give her to his own brother.

Shinji grabbed the letter and flew out of his room. He wanted to run to the kitchen, but someone stopped him near the stairs. It was Otoya, who was wearing shorts.

"Shinji, wait!" his brother grasped him. "Let me explain everything to you!"

But he didn't want to hear any explanations. He did not want to listen to anything and started fighting his way free. However, Shinji wasn't really strong, so he was not a match for the pitcher. He was filled with anger and pain. His eyes fastened on Mana, who had left Otoya's room. She was wearing only a school shirt and there was nothing below the waist. She was completely naked, but she did not care. Like she was ready to uncover herself to both brothers. Shinji noticed traces of blood on her legs and remembered at once the way Mana was kissing his cousin and giving him her virginity. This angered Shinji even more, and he began to break out with renewed vigor.

"Stop it!" the girl cried out with tears in her eyes. "Just don't fight, please!"

But it was too late. Shinji didn't notice that he sent his fist to Otoya's face. But the reflexes of a baseball player served him and he successfully dodged. Then, having grabbed Shinji with both hands, he threw him on the stairs. By some miracle, they didn't roll down. Otoya was shouting something to the brother. Something about them making a huge mistake. And that Shinji made a mistake too, but he wouldn't listen. He already knew that, to some extent, he was guilty because he tried to run away from the problem. But he wanted to do what's best for Otoya and Mana. And he didn't deserve such a betrayal. He didn't deserve this pain. This acute jealousy.

Mana got involved with the fight, trying to set the brothers apart. She regretted the words she had said in the morning very much. Seeing the fight between the two brothers, friends and guys she might have equally loved, wasn't fun or interesting.

"It's my fault." the girl cried through tears. "This is all my fault!"

Shinji didn't even notice as someone pushed Mana. He didn't know when or who did it. He was only sure it was an accident. The brothers heard a scream. Something rolled down the stairs.

Otoya reacted first, rushing down at once. Shinji descended the stairs, not knowing what he would see. Poor Mana, who was lying on the ground floor, appeared almost completely naked before him. His eyes clung to the most intimate places, making him sick of himself. Bruises covered her fragile and slender body. She was still conscious, but she couldn't move.

"Call an ambulance, Shinji!" Otoya barked, covering Mana with the first available towel. He gently put the girl on her back and started asking her something. Something to do with first aid. But she was only sobbing from the pain.

Shinji went to the exit with a blank look, not believing that it has come to this. He was shivering with fear.

"Shinji, call the fucking ambulance!"

Shinji rushed away from home.

"SHINJI!"

He was running as fast as he could. He was running away from problems. Running away from his life. Running away from himself. From them. From the pain. From jealousy. From responsibility. From the house that has never been a home to him. He was running away from everything. He went whatever the road was taking him.

He was just running.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3. A path to choice**

What should you believe in when your world is falling apart at the snap of the finger? All the authorities fall like the domino pieces at once, destroying everything on their way. So, what should someone do in such a situation? Where should he or she look for a shelter? Some get depressed because they can't bow to the reality and be reconciled to the way fate decreed. They desperately play out this fatal moment, over and over again, thinking of the ways they could have acted differently. And this happens until a person realizes that what's gone is gone. The only thing they can do is to accept it. Those who are stronger, try to solve any issues they encounter in life. And even if they face an irresolvable problem, they don't lose heart, but move on, no matter what.

However, Shinji was different. His refused to remember anything from that goddamned day. That's why he hasn't been lost in the whirlpool of adversities. However, he also wasn't strong enough to face the problems and make even slightest efforts to get it right. He believed that the right thing to do was to run away from everything. As far as possible. Shinji hoped that this way all those problems couldn't catch up with him.

That's why he was running for all he was worth along the twisted roads of the rolling wood meadow. The same meadow that was near his house. On the hairpin turns, he would tap into the rails that prevented him from falling off the hillside. Though, no matter how much he hated that day, he wouldn't even think of a suicide. He wanted to live; more than anything. He wanted to feel alive and not just to exist.

When Shinji couldn't run anymore, he leaned against the rails, trying to catch his breath. His lungs were burning and his legs were begging for a little rest. His head was empty: there was no single thought. Shinji was gasping for air, feeling somehow dry, and his stomach was aching for food. He suddenly realized that he had run for no less than two miles.

Shinji looked around to see where he was.

The sun had set and the darkness deepened, enveloping the wood meadow. To the right, on top of a hill, there was the Higashiyama tower, illuminated by projectors. It could barely be seen behind the tree crowns. And to the left, a monorail could be seen. That meant that Shinji was near to the amusement park, which was on the south-west of the wood meadow. But, more likely than not, it was closed, so he couldn't go there to eat hot dogs or takoyaki. However, if he went along the park, he would reach the subway station. And there he will probably find a café or some diner.

Having rested for some time, Shinji headed towards the station. He wasn't able to think clearly out of exhaustion. Only basic animal instincts took over his mind. He wanted to eat and to rest for a while. It was all he needed at that moment. Shinji was trying hard not to remember anything.

With his last strength, he barely limped to the square that was next to the subway station. People, hurrying home from work, seemed to freak out when they saw him. Like he was some kind of a zombie. But he didn't care. Shinji stopped in the square next to a giant monument of the citizens who died and went missing during the Impact. He didn't understand why someone needed to create such a frightening statue of the unfortunate family. But that was before. Their faces, contorted in agony, looked terrifying. And that's what pain and despair look like. One could understand the idea of the author only if he or she had experienced it firsthand.

Shinji looked around and noticed the McDonald's. Frankly speaking, he didn't like fast food at all, but now he had no choice…

Having made an impressive order, a hungry customer flopped at a free table. Without restraining himself, he started devouring semi-finished burgers. The bun that was too sweet was mixed with a patty too fat, almost covering the taste of plastic. Shinji was also greedily swallowing up Cola that was probably diluted with water. Cold and hot in his stomach formed a pleasantly seething cocktail. When he took the second burger, it suddenly rushed into him. In a moment, he felt all the pain, from which Shinji was desperately trying to run away. Memories seized him with their tenacious tentacles and plunged him into the abyss of shame, despair, and anger. Somewhere deep in his mind, there was a smoldering feeling that started inflaming more and more. It was loneliness.

He ran away, betrayed and lonely.

Unable to restrain himself, he started crying. A few tears ran down his burning cheeks but didn't make him stop eating. The hunger was too sharp. All the feelings and memories flooded back, not letting the young man go even for a second.

"Are you all right?" the manager with a slightly concerned face ran up to him. From her look, it could be seen that she wasn't really honest. Maybe she was thinking: "oh God, what again?" You don't even need a lie detector to see the hypocrisy she was trying to hide.

Aside from that, she was an ordinary and unremarkable girl. Shinji knew that it was part of her work, but he could still feel a relief. Someone cared about him, even if it's a stranger. At least he wanted to believe in it. The girl was sputtering something, probably offering help. When she said the word "the police", his heart began beating fast. Having made an effort, he calmed down a bit.

"Are you sure you don't need help?" the manager wasn't going to leave. "Maybe we should call the police?"

Shinji started at the sound of the last word. He could have done without that. If the truth revealed, he would go to a station house. So he had to calm down.

"I'm fine," there was a treacherous tremor in his voice. "I just had a little fight with my friend. A girl friend."

"A little fight," as for the person who hated lies, it was an understatement.

"Oh, I see!" the manager seemed to perk up and got ready to give pieces of advice concerning love.

"I just need to be alone now," Shinji dished out. "I'll calm down soon. Thanks."

His words were hardly believable, but so it goes. She could call the cops, just in case.

"Okay, I'll be there if you need me," having looked at her customer in disbelief, the manager left, leaving him alone with his thoughts. And there were dozens of them. They were dragging him into the bottomless well of the unknown.

Shinji didn't know what to do. He was sure of only one thing: he wasn't going back home. To the house that wasn't his. He was worried about Mana but still had no desire to talk to her or to Otoya. Something wanted him to run again, run even further, but he had no idea where to. He had no friends in town, who could give a home to him. There were no relatives he could go to either. His maternal grandmother has been ill since the death of her husband. And she could barely make ends meet, so it wasn't a great idea to go to Sapporo to see her. And that was it. No more maternal relatives. What about paternal relatives, there was only uncle Hiro. But Shinji didn't want to see either Otoya or Rokubungi family in general.

He knew that he should figure it out before the police start looking for him. And hence, he couldn't stay in Nagoya anymore.

Poor Mana…

Shinji covered his head with his hands, and his eyes swelled with tears again, no matter how hard he tried to hold it back.

In despair, he tried to seize the last chance. He involuntarily closed his eyes, wiping tears, and whispered:

"Mom, what should I do?"

In response, he felt a blissful sense of warmth spreading through his body. That warmth that he hasn't experienced for many years since his dearest person passed away. Shinji suddenly felt that something was watching him. Something? Or someone? From the depths of his consciousness, some image emerged. The image of two red lights. It seemed like that person was sitting in front of Shinji and watching his every move.

He looked up at once but didn't notice anybody. He was sitting at the table alone.

Alone...but is he... lonely?

Some unknown force made him come to senses and begin to think soberly. There's one more option. Shinji didn't want to use it, but he seemed to have no choice.

He took out the same envelope from his bag and pushed the tray with food to the edge of the table. Shinji peered at the father's letter hoping to find something new there. But, alas, there were the same four words:

"Come here. Ikari Gendo."

He took out something looking like a pass card. There was the emblem of the special organization, which Shinji has heard about. The emblem itself was red, and there was a half of a fig leaf, that was covering the name.

"NERV," the young man read out. Below, the English slogan was written in a semicircle:

"God's in His heaven. All's right with the World."

But due to the poor knowledge of the English language, he couldn't understand the meaning.

"Some kind of a metaphor," he muttered silently.

Having lain the card aside, Shinji took a picture. To say that he was surprised would be an understatement. He could have expected to see anyone but not a beautiful girl with long blue-black hair of no more than twenty-five years. Thanks to the pose which the girl, dressed in short briefs and a yellow wife-beater, had chosen he could feast his eyes on her breasts. It was clear enough that she did it on purpose. A neatly drawn arrow pointing to the bust and the caption "Check it out!" only confirmed Shinji's guess. He unintentionally remembered Kirishima but chased these thoughts away at once because he didn't want to have a lumpy throat again.

When Shinji forced himself to stop staring at the girl, he noticed the phone number and the signature: Katsuragi Misato. Having dug into the envelope, he found some papers and a map with general information. He should come to Mishima that's in Shizuoka Prefecture, and he would be exported to Tokyo-3 (previously called as Hakone) from there. There was the NERV headquarters in Japan.

Shinji smirked unkindly. He's already decided where he will go. His gut was telling him that it was the right way. That it's still _his_ way, even though he got lost for a while. All he needed to do was to call them and tell about his decision. Shinji wondered why his father needs him three years later. That's how long it's been since they saw each other at his mother's grave. Apparently, he worked for the NERV agency, and this girl in the photo was his secretary.

"Then he's probably a big shot there."

However, Shinji had no idea what his father was up to or what he did for a living.

A little hope smoldering in the depths of his mind was desperately trying to break loose.

He decided to call there but found out that he had lost his phone. It probably happened during the fight with Otoya. Or when he was running away. There was no point in guessing.

Shinji packed his bag and headed to the subway. He didn't want to wait in vain, so he decided to go right to the terminal station. There he'll probably find phone booths. From the nearest subway station to Nagoya terminal station, there were only six stops. The drive will take about twenty minutes.

Shinji slowly started picking himself back up. The stomach filled with food and the clear purpose were giving him confidence. He wanted to forget about the nightmare he'd left behind. The nightmare he wanted to run away from. Forever. And Tokyo-3 was the right place for it since it was almost a hundred and twenty miles away.

Having arrived at the station, Shinji decided to buy a ticket first and then call. So that there was no coming back. The next train would come at 6:20 am and it's at least two hours away. Besides, he will have to stop over at Shizuoka town. "Great," Shinji said, curling his lip. What can possibly brighten his mood if not a little journey with an unclear end?

He had to wait almost eight hours. Without losing any time, Shinji came up to the nearest phone booth and called the number written on the photo. He was surprised to hear an engaged tone. The young man got nervous but persevered in his attempts. Anyway, all the ships had been burnt. Twenty minutes later, he got lucky: a girl with a sleepy and tired voice answered. She was clearly not open for a dialogue.

"Major Katsuragi's speaking."

Major?

"I'm... I'm sorry," Shinji almost fell to the ground. His voice shimmered when he realized that he would have to talk with the officer and not the secretary. And she's probably a woman, not a girl. "My name is Ikari Shinji. I received a letter…"

But before he could finish the sentence, he could hear the girl perking up noticeably.

"Ikari Shinji-kun? Fancy hearing you now! How long has it been since the letter was sent to you? A month? Or two?"

"A month," the caller stattered.

"The month! And this whole time you've been thinking whether you should call or not? Okay, okay, I'm not pushing. I'm listening carefully."

He could feel her positive energy. Shinji relaxed a bit.

"Well, I've decided to come."

"Wow! And when, Ikari-kun?"

"Tomorrow. I think I'll be at Mishima station by eight or nine in the morning."

"Tomorrow?! Wow, you are slow to harness but quick to ride."

"I'm sorry, what, Katsuragi-san?"

"Forget it, I learned it when I was in China. Anyway, you want to come tomorrow morning? Maybe a little later? At least in the afternoon. Because it's somehow against all expectations."

"Sorry. I've bought a ticket already."

After a short pause, the Major perked up.

"Okay, so you're coming at nine o'clock at the furthest, right?"

"I think so. I'm coming from Nagoya, and have to stop over somewhere."

"I can send someone to pick you up. Tokyo-3 is a forbidden city. No one would let you come here without a permit. Give me your phone number."

"Well," Shinji said uncertainly. "I'm sorry Katsuragi-san, but I lost my phone today."

He could hear a slap.

"I won't even ask you _how_ ," his interlocutor continued. "It's not going to be easy with you, is it?"

"I'm... sorry," Shinji bowed to the booth with his brain on autopilot.

"Okay, when you arrive in Mishima, call the same number. If the line is busy, call another number. Do you have anything you can write on?"

"Yes, I do."

She dictated him the number.

"You sound tired," the woman stated. "Are you all right?"

"Well...yeah."

"I doubt that. Did something happen? Although, given the fact that you suddenly decided to come and already got tickets, something clearly had happened."

"Well…that's," he stumbled. "I'm sorry, but it's all good."

The Major went silent as if she was thinking about something. Then Shinji heard voices and orders. After a while, she said:

"Let's do it this way. I'll pick you up _myself_. But I'll be there in ten only. And if you want, you'll tell me what happened. If not, well, it's your business, Ikari-kun. Agreed?"

"Agreed, Katsuragi-san." Shinji didn't even notice as he'd cheered up and a shy smile had appeared on his face.

After a pleasant conversation with Major Katsuragi, he had to wait less than seven and a half hours for a train. Shinji silently apologized to the woman for thinking she was just a secretary. And she was the Major! And she mentioned that she was in China, the place where the raged civil war has been looming large for the last fifteen years. Is it possible that such a nice woman was there with a mission? Yeah, first appearances can be deceptive.

Shinji decided to pass the time strolling in the center of Nagoya, where the station was located. The air became noticeably fresher, and the temperature dropped below thirty degrees. In the meantime, the city looked ready for a night life. On skyscrapers, here and there, billboards started appearing; buildings bristled with the bright light of windows. City lighting in the form of lanterns and illumination joined this dance of lights. The city lit up like a Christmas tree. There was a feeling that Nagoya wanted to arrange Shinji a dazzling farewell ceremony. "Let it be," he thought. The young man hoped that he won't see this city again. At least, in the nearest future. On the one hand, this city has become a hometown for him but, on the other hand, it was also a source of an unbearable pain. He even wanted to call Otoya and say goodbye. But he remembered that, most likely, he was in the hospital with Mana now, so he wouldn't pick up the phone. And if he does, what will Shinji say? It doesn't work that way.

No, he has to forget about all of it and never come back. He has a new life ahead of him. He was sure of it. He only needed to find a place to stay overnight. And that was a problem. He couldn't rent a room since he was under-age. He had no one. There were not so many options: he could go to the cinema or stay at the station. If he stays at a station, the police will probably come and ask questions.

There was nothing left but to get a ticket in the cinema, located in the building of the station.

The first film appeared to be interesting. Another Hollywood blockbuster on the subject of the Impact. The plot was quite simple, but the action didn't let him fall asleep. According to the filmmakers, the story, based on real events, told about seven astronauts on the Shuttle "Atlantis". They were the first to observe the meteorite falling to Antarctica during the cargo delivery to the ISS. The second film started at three in the morning. That's when Shinji fall asleep, being more than just exhausted.

The nightmare caught him by surprise, enveloping him with its dark manacles. It was devouring and enveloping him, not giving a second to relax. Making him do its bidding. Shinji was running away from an abandoned house, burning up without looking back through the deserted streets. But every time he was going back to the place where naked and lifeless Mana was lying. She was pale and curved, with her dead eyes staring somewhere into the void. Her head unnaturally thrown back, like she was some kind of a doll someone had unleashed the fury of the wrath on. Every time Shinji was glancing at her once beautiful and charming body. The thick blood was fluxing from her nether region, filling the whole place. At some moment, Mana came to life and started shouting deadly with a deep-chested voice. In the same flash of time, Otoya grabbed Shinji, with his eyes mad. He was screaming at him, asking to get out of their lives and never come back.

And Shinji was running again without looking back; over the hills and far away. But no matter how hard he tried to escape, no matter how hard he tried to forget himself, he was going back to the same place. Again and again, and again. Running away again and coming back to the very same spot. Again. As if the subconscious was mocking him and making him experience the same pain over and over. It seemed that it had no end. The young man started crying, begging for someone to come and help him. And in response to his plea, two bright red lights lit up in the dark, beckoning his lost soul. Shinji was feeling that there, in the dark, some stranger was standing. Someone he once knew, but who was, at the same time, too far from him. And he reached to this stranger. But was it a stranger? Shinji was sure that he knew him, as he recognized those two red lights. He always knew it but brushed them off a long time ago. So long ago that he couldn't even imagine. If he touches them now, the painfully familiar name and the image will appear. Shinji reached out to red lights with his hand shaking. Only one touch... and everything in front of him will flash, blinding him.

At half-past five in the morning, he got woken up by the cinema janitor. Shinji shuddered at the surprise. His head was splitting and there were traces of dried tears but it was time to go. And with a sore head, the young man dragged himself along to the bathroom to freshen up. Fortunately, everything he needed for personal hygiene was sold at the station. Shinji didn't have any sense, except that he needed to have breakfast. Having washed his face, he popped over one of the cafes near a station.

His head was empty, without a single thought. He was too exhausted to think or feel anything. Sleepy Shinji was just following the algorithm he had previously made up. It felt like he was an Android, mindlessly performing tasks. In short, he was devastated.

Shinji perked up a little when he heard an announcement about his train arriving. Without any doubt, he took his place, put on his headphones and turned on the player. Because of the breathless expectation, he didn't want to sleep anymore. He was afraid that the police would break into the train and drag him home. And that all this adventure will remain just an adventure. And he'll have to come back to the yesterday's nightmare. He had a feeling that all this madness had happened an eternity ago, not just ten hours.

Shinji was on tenterhooks, waiting for the take-off. He even took off his headphones to monitor the situation.

But nothing happened.

At 6:20 in the morning, the train slowly moved off. Shinji was leaving Nagoya, being alone for the first time in his life. For some time, he couldn't even believe he did it. But the increasing rattle of train wheels only confirmed the accomplished fact. And a picturesque dawn was a sign of a new life starting. Shinji left this whole bunch of problems, pain, and grief behind.

However, something started putting pressure on him. As if his conscience awoke and begged him to stop, to come to his senses. But the fugitive did not want to be sold on a momentary hesitation. He fenced himself off the whole world with the help of his headphones and music coming out of them. And at the same time, looking at receding Nagoya.

A small screen of the cassette player highlighted the name of the next song: "You are the only one". And Shinji thought that it was true. He was left alone in this cruel and merciless world. And the only thing that mattered was whether he'd made the right choice or not.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4. Resonance**

At 8:47, the train arrived at Mishima station. Shinji has never been to this city before. It looked like the sleeping areas of Nagoya. But there was something subtly different in it. When Shinji was in Shizuoka, he became suspicious because everyone at the station was advising him not to go to Mishima, but to stay there and wait for further instructions. The young man ignored the warnings and went on.

At first glance, Mishima was a typical provincial town. At the station, which was situated in the center of the town, there were a few office buildings with nine or twelve floors. Other buildings in the town were much lower. It seemed that these buildings have clearly seen better days. They apparently haven't been rebuilt since the Impact. One could say the same about the roads full of holes. Shinji remembered that such towns are often called depressive.

From the North-East, the majestic mountains, looking down on people, could be seen. No one and nothing could destroy such monumental creation of nature, be it people or the Impact. On the South, their little brothers, which didn't look much better but still were splendid and majestic, were seen.

Mishima was a total mess. The number of people wishing to leave was much greater than of those who were arriving in the town. There were huge traffic jams on the roads. There was a feeling that people tried to leave the town. No, not even that. People were **running** out of town.

But Shinji had a single aim, so such little things didn't bother him at all. He'd found the nearest pay phone but when he picked up the phone, he couldn't hear the tone, as if all the lines were busy. The decision to stay at the station until Major Katsuragi comes seemed sound.

However, the turmoil in the town was growing. And Shinji was getting anxious more and more. At the station, it was announced that all arriving trains are delayed for an indefinite period. Helicopters, which were mostly military, started rattling in the sky. It scared people. Panic could be felt in the air. And though Ikari has never experienced it, he recognized it right from the start. Probably because panic is a very contagious thing, which is transmitted through airborne droplets. And Shinji could feel the first signs of the disease.

A reasonable question popped up in his head: where was he?

And he got his answer immediately. In a second, a smooth voice was heard, amplified through the speakers.

"Attention! A state of emergency has been imposed in the town. The population is strongly advised to be evacuated or to go to bomb shelters. Follow the instructions of the police and self-defense forces. I repeat," the speaker on the flying helicopter was broadcasting.

Shinji saw a convoy of military trucks drive a block away. The same message could be heard through the speakers of the station.

Shinji was watching the situation for at least 15 minutes. Free buses and trains started arriving at the station in order to evacuate the population. The streets were flooded with so many policemen that the boy couldn't imagine. Soldiers of the self-defense forces joined them later. For a moment, Shinji thought that he was dreaming, so he pinched himself. No, it was for real. Shinji got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Or maybe they're filming a movie? What if it's another Hollywood blockbuster? However, it was too major, even for "dream factory" magicians.

He hurried back to the pay phone, hoping that this time he'll be able to get through. However, no tone could be heard.

Shinji was perplexed. Is it possible that the war started while he was on his way? It doesn't make any sense. He instinctively approached the large group of people, who were waiting for the bus. The guards were lining people up in the queue.

"Oh, it's just extensive exercises," the old man, who clearly has seen a lot over the years, muttered.

"To evacuate an entire city with a population of two hundred thousand? Isn't that too much for exercise?" the second old man, who was apparently his friend, objected to him.

"Think about that. Who needs us?"

"Tokyo-3 is right near us. You never know what daisy cutter those eggheads have created and lost control over."

"Then why are helicopters flying _from_ Tokyo-3 to shore?"

The second old man didn't know what to say. Over their heads, several jets with increasing roar flew.

"Look! They're flying so low!" someone in the crowd shouted.

And then it happened again. And again, and again. A group of helicopters was hardly keeping up with them.

"It seems that all the "Apaches" of self-defense forces are gathered here."

After a series of explosions coming from the South, there was no soul who doubted that the situation was serious. Those explosions could hardly be heard. But still, they were explosions.

The panic was growing and people were becoming scared; scared of who knows what. The police and self-defense forces were silent and weren't answering any questions. And that, of course, was making citizens angry. Shinji was in a trance, not believing his eyes and ears.

A dozen military trucks drove up to the station square, where there was a huge crowd of people, who did not have their own personal transport.

"First come women and children, then senior citizens!" one of the officers announced using a megaphone. "Keep calm, there's enough space for everyone!"

Planes and helicopters were flying here and there, shaking the air with their powerful engines. And the sounds of explosions were becoming closer and louder. After a while, somewhere to the South from the town, the column of a black smoke rose.

"Mom, look how big this plane is!" a little boy murmured, pointing to the sky. And indeed, a big death machine, which sounded like a plane with 8 reactive engines, flew over their heads.

"This is not our troops," the very same old man concluded holding his breath. "B-52. It's American USAF."

After a while, the plane disappeared behind the roofs of the buildings; and a series of powerful explosions could be heard.

"I don't know what it is, but if they're using the usual saturation bombing, things are looking bad."

Shinji decided to wait until the last moment, despite the approaching war. He had to meet Major Katsuragi. Having considered that he'll still have time to get out of the town, the young man sat on the steps in front of the station. He watched the self-defense forces evacuate everyone. And there were lots of people who wanted to run away. The whole area was filled with them. Military trucks were scurrying around the town. Will they be able to save everyone?

The sounds of explosions were growing and approaching. From the bay, at low altitude, a couple of small flying machines whooshed. A little later, they disappeared and two powerful pats could be heard. South of Mishima, in the Nagaoka area, everything has already been shrouded in black smoke. Gunfire could be clearly heard in the distance. Shinji regretted his decision to come to this crazy city.

All the people in the area were overwrought. Everyone was discussing what the military was bombing. Someone suggested that the town got attacked by the Chinese or the Koreans. Others were talking about a military coup in the country and the beginning of the civil war. There was also a mind-blowing idea that Godzilla was attacking the town. Everyone looked at people saying that like they were some lunatics. People were surprised to find out that the last theory seemed to be closer to the truth. Some users of modern smartphones have found on the Internet the blurry photos of a forty-meter figure that was being bombed. Someone shouted that it was a fake; the number of pictures and videos on the Net was growing exponentially.

Not only Shinji got a desire to see a giant something. A large crowd rushed from the station to the South, not listening to the protests of the police and military. People pulled cameras and phones out of their pockets to capture the image of this incredible creature. You don't see Godzilla, the national treasure of Japanese cinema, every day! The audience was eager to hear the famous and bone-piercing roar of the monster.

Shinji was carried away by the crowd to the South of the town. Many people were running to it, attracted by curiosity, forgetting about their own safety. More and more onlookers joined the crowd. At some point, the spontaneous flow increased so much that it spread to the roadway and almost paralyzed the vehicle movement. Signals of disgruntled and nervous drivers were added to a chorus of the crowd. The police tried to push people back to the sidewalks, but all in vain.

Shinji noticed a girl about his age standing in the middle of the crowd. She was a black sheep among all the people that surrounded her. Her ash-blue hair was cut in bob haircut and her bright red irises were like a beacon on a moonless night. However, no one, who was passing by, paid attention to her, as if she was not there. Shinji stopped to examine a fancy stranger closer. Swearing and crying people kept bumping into him, but it didn't matter. He was fascinated by these two bright lights that had reminded of something very familiar. Shinji remembered seeing them and reaching out for them. The girl was looking at him without showing a single emotion as if she did not care about what was happening around. Her lips slowly moved as she was trying to say something. But Shinji wasn't meant to hear her because of the hubbub of people, the blare of sirens, and the noise of the explosions.

Later, when a bunch of curious townsfolk had run between them, the stranger disappeared. Shinji shook his head, thinking that his eyes were playing tricks on him.

Having climbed on one of the overpasses, Shinji looked at landscapes of morning Mishima. Only low storey houses were ahead of him, so people gasped when they saw a giant humanoid figure standing only four kilometers from them. Something was calmly striding in the direction of Tokyo-3, not responding to the merciless bombing. Due to the huge distance, as well as the rising dust and smoke from the explosions, it was impossible to see the mysterious figure in detail. One thing was for sure: it was not Godzilla. And it made everyone even more curious.

"It's in Tsukamoto district," one woman suggested, capturing everything on video.

Ten minutes later, the creature entered the town boundaries. It was invariably accompanied by flashes from explosions. Only black scorched earth was left behind it.

The siren of civil defense sounded in the town and the sounds of explosions became closer. All this did not bode well. Some people ran back to the station, others continued standing and capturing everything that was happening.

"Look! They're firing missiles at him!" shouted somebody from the crowd.

Everybody turned their phones and cameras to the left, towards missiles, shot by the artillery. The buzz was indescribable.

"It seems that the self-defense forces lead the monster out of the city to the mountains," the man standing next to Shinji concluded.

And it was true. Even armed helicopters tried to strike stinging blows from the East and the North-East. They were luring him in somehow. However, the military could not harm the monster, no matter how hard they tried. It wasn't even slowing down.

"Why doesn't it attack anybody?" one of the women asked.

"Shut up or you'll croak a disaster!"

A huge turbopropeller aircraft flew right over their heads. It appeared to be right over the monster. Then, something with a parachute flew out of the rear compartment. After a while, there was a terrible explosion that engulfed a monster. While Shinji was watching the surprising effect of differential pressure, density, and temperature, all the problems disappeared at once. In a way, for a brief moment, he felt free as he was still fascinated by the shock wave front. And it was inevitably bearing down on all onlookers standing on the overpass. It was breaking out the panes and kicking up a dust behind it.

Shinji heard the sound only in a few seconds. It hit his ears like a hammer, and for one brief moment, it seemed like he got under a press. Not only Shinji, but everyone around cringed and snatched at their ears. Women squealed with fear; men started swearing. The alarm systems of hundreds or thousands of the parked cars started howling. Shinji and the onlookers surrounding him got lucky. If they were a bit closer, it would end very badly. Not looking at the broken glass near him, the young man wondered: when will he run out of luck limit?

And then, the time started passing too fast. The monster had hardly come out of clouds of smoke before the white glow in the shape of a ring appeared. The creature instantly soared upwards.

At first, people didn't realize that the giant was flying in their direction with incredible speed. Everyone froze with their mouths open, continuing to film it as it flew over their heads and landed somewhere near the station.

The ground began to tremble; the air was shaken by a heavy hooting. One of the nine-storey buildings at the station formed a house of cards. The other two sloped menacingly. A column of smoke rose. People in panic rushed to save themselves, and Shinji wasn't an exception. He regretted that he had come here. All the problems he had faced when he was in Nagoya seemed too petty now.

Everything was trembling. It felt like an elephant entered a China shop. Shinji could hear screaming, the sound of explosions and whistling of flying shells. Armed helicopters were flying over the heads of citizens, releasing unguided missiles into the monster. Now Shinji could see it. It was a dark green musclebound something with long and slender arms; in the middle of its chest, a reddish sphere, protected by protruding light ribs, was shining; it looked like his head was inserted directly into his chest. However, the young man wasn't going to examine it in detail. He needed to leave the town as soon as possible.

Something bright flashed near the monster's head. A moment later, the spot where the artillery fired at, got lit up by a giant explosion. In response, the military augmented the fire, not thinking of the remaining civilians.

Shinji didn't even know who to blame that he appeared to be here and now. He started running for dear life. Only this time he wasn't running away from the problems, but because he was saving his life. He wasn't alone though: thousands of losers like him were there too. The monster was stomping loudly somewhere behind, the shells were exploding, a bright glow appeared again, and the screaming stopped at once. The sounds of cars and trucks engines, as well as the screeching of tires, were added to the overall chaos.

Something exploded over people's heads, and then, everyone heard an upcoming sound. Shinji turned around by instinct and got terrified by the view: a strike helicopter, running on its axis, was slowly falling down towards him. As the strike machine had been defeated, citizens started spreading. The blades hit the asphalt, and the pieces scattered to the winds. The helicopter plummeted to earth and, by inertia, run into the nearest building right in front of Shinji. He was lucky again not to be hurt.

Something was telling him that he had to run away this place before the broken car blows up. However, he couldn't force himself to go. He was still in deep shock: he could have died a few seconds ago. Shinji caught himself thinking that the pilots were less fortunate and they may need emergency assistance. Fortunately, the helicopter wasn't going to explode. It was just like a dying beast, plaintively moaning and choking.

Shinji wanted to see if the pilots were still alive, but he suddenly heard a nasty squeaking of tires. Having turned around, he noticed a blue sports coupe. The passenger door opened, and the car looked familiar, despite the face and the sunglasses on it.

"Sorry for that, Ikari-kun!" There was no doubt: it was her. "Get in!"

"What about people?" he pointed to the helicopter.

"They knew what they signed up for. Get your ass over here!"

"But…"

"Now!" the woman slammed on the armrest.

"Yes!" Shinji shouted, stepping into the car.

As soon as he stepped in the car, Katsuragi immediately surged forward, putting her foot down. From such acceleration, the door closed, and all the sounds instantly disappeared. Shinji got pushed into the sports seat but managed to throw his bag to the backseat.

"Buckle up! We're going to have a fun trip!"

The young man without objections buckled catchy four-point seatbelts up. Katsuragi was already careering through the narrow streets of the town, masterfully shying away from all obstacles.

"Headquarters, the parcel has been found. I provide security," said a woman in a headset. "Copy that, I'm delivering it."

Tires and brakes horribly squealed. The gear change was accompanied by a whoosh, and the engine was howling pleasantly as if it was a racing car. Shinji wasn't an expert, but he figured out that the engine was really good.

The monster was striding right near them. With each its step, the car was shaking and the woman had to return control of the car. Shinji turned around and saw the monster, enveloped in flames from explosions. It was very close to them.

"Shit!" Katsuragi swore, hitting the brakes. Ikari was pushed into the seat belts which squeezed all the air out of his lungs. The passage in front of them was dammed by a dilapidated building. "Hold on!"

In a second, the woman selected reverse gear and pushed the gas pedal to the floor. The car abruptly flew back, toward the monster.

"Uh?" Shinji got confused.

"I say, hold on!"

Major sharply spun a wheel, and the car made a typical bootlegger reverse. Not waiting for the car to stop, the woman switched to the second speed. Now they were speeding directly under the giant and through the explosions, as if through a minefield. During maneuvers, the car was tossed around. Shinji even got sick. The roller coaster was clearly no match for it. When they flew past the legs of the monster, they heard as the body of a sports coupe got covered with shrapnel from the exploding shells. The left side of the windscreen cracked, and the cobwebs crawled across it. And the side transparency on Shinji's side shattered. Deafening sounds of the battle, the roar of the engine, and the screaming seeped to the passenger compartment.

"This woman will kill us!" Ikari silently steamed, looking at a couple of holes in the bottom of the car and the warped interior. And again, by some miracle, he was lucky to stay alive. How lucky were the people outside? Should he pray for them?

After a while, they finally managed to fling out of the thick of the battle. Shinji was extremely glad that to be found and saved from such chaos.

"Just what we need!" Major looked at the broken radio set. She tried to reach someone on a mobile phone, but it didn't help. "Okay, fine."

"Something wrong?" Shinji asked in a surprisingly even voice. It surprised him.

"It's was nothing, don't be scared," Katsuragi grinned. "By the way, you seem awfully calm. You don't see an Angel every day!"

"An angel?"

"Yeah, that's how we call that giant amphibian monster. Anyone else would be asking me lots questions right now."

"Sorry." Shinji wasn't sure now that he was calm. It was enough to cast a look at his shaking knees. "I just thought you wouldn't tell anything. Is it one of those angels?"

"What? Of course not. I'll explain it to you later. I can only say that this Godzilla-looking monster must be destroyed, by all means."

"Sorry. But is father involved in this somehow?"

"That's a good question! You'll find out with time. And stop apologizing all the time! You're getting on my nerves."

Not slowing the pace, Katsuragi went to the overpass.

"We're so lucky today!" she made a witty remark. "There's a logjam on the road to Tokyo-3, we have to make a detour."

When they got on the freeway, Shinji noticed that the monster wasn't being bombed anymore. He shared his observation with the driver. She parked the car by the roadside and opened the glove compartment.

"Let me see," she unbuckled the seat belt and grabbed a binocular. Then she looked out the window. "Something's not right."

The highway was in the foothills, so the view of the city was gorgeous. However, it was spoiled by destroyed buildings, smoke, soot, explosions, and something walking in the middle of all this chaos.

"Aren't you an officer?" Shinji muttered. He was pushed into the seat. But there was nothing to complain about, quite the contrary. "You should know what the military is doing."

"I am," the woman agreed, not looking to the street. "But not an officer of the self-defense forces anymore. And especially not the USAF1. We have no radio set. No connection. From now on, we're blind and deaf, and I _hate_ that."

Shinji thwarted the temptation to ask what USAF was. Looked like another semi-secret organization like NERV.

"Ahem, poor Lancer2 loner. Tell me, honey, what are you doing at this speed and altitude?" Katsuragi falsely sang, not paying attention to Shinji. "Come on, it can't be true!"

"Huh?"

"Down!"

The woman tightly hugged the boy. At first, he even liked to be pressed by her breasts, which had a scent of expensive perfumes. But then he wished to recoil. It wasn't possible though since the woman was very strong.

At the same moment, the snow-white light filled everything, and the hot air became even hotter, unimaginably hotter. Shinji felt a growing vibration: something bad was coming, very bad. He was going to ask her something, but a massive shockwave made the windshield break and all stuff in the car move. The car got taken away into a ditch.

The car turned turtle to the left side. Katsuragi was lying on the left door, right next to Shinji, who was still hanging on the seat belts. He literally felt the athletic body of the woman.

"You okay?" she tried to thunder down the noise and some banging on the roof. "Didn't you break anything? Did you hit your head?"

Shinji got a feeling that someone turned him inside out. Ears were buzzing from the shock wave, and everything inside him seemed to stir up and mix. It was clearly not a good feeling.

"I'm alright," he groaned. "I got soil in my mouth."

"That's nothing." This positive-minded woman obviously didn't care.

Major unbuckled the boy from the seat belts. They got out of the place that used to be a windshield. The outside world was a total mess. There was a cloud in the shape of a mushroom hanging over Mishima. Everything was burning in the town as if the gates of hell had opened up. One could only hope that people had time to evacuate.

Shinji's whole body was aching, but he managed to survive and get only bruises and light abrasions. He noticed a cat on the hand, but it wasn't serious. The woman was hurt a little, but everything worked out. Even the sunglasses didn't fall down.

When looking at the mushroom-shaped cloud, Shinji remembered something important. Something that was in the very far corners of his memory.

"Katsuragi-san, are we going to glow in the dark now?"

"What?" she asked in confusion. But when she had figured out what he was talking about, she laughed heartily. "No, you won't become Dr. Manhattan."

Now it was Shinji's turn to get confused.

"You can relax now. It was the N2-bomb. In short, it bangs as a tactical nuclear weapon (TNW). Twenty-five kilotons. It's a little stronger than a "Fat man" dropped on Nagasaki in the forty-fifth year, but without radiation and such shit."

"Are you sure?" the guy was still skeptical and was nervously looking at the scene of the explosion.

"Well, if it had been TNW," she pointed at the mushroom, "radiation would have killed us by now."

"You know how to comfort somebody, Katsuragi-san."

"Oh, yeah! Come on; let's get our war horse back on its feet."

They got ready to turn the car over. Only now he paid attention to the color of the woman's uniform: it was black and clearly wasn't military. She was wearing a strict skirt just above the knees and a sleeveless blouse with white edging. On the collar of the blouse, honorable distinctions could be seen.

"Are you ready? And, one…"

They managed to do it from the second push, and Katsuragi notably shook her hands. Shinji warmed to her. She was kind and positive, which always came in handy in such crazy situations.

"Thank you."

"No, thank _you_ , Katsuragi-san."

"Call me Misato, okay?" she took off her glasses and smiled gently. "Nice to meet you, Ikari Shinji-kun."

"Nice to meet you too, Misato-san."

"By the way, despite all the chaos, your voice seems more cheerful than yesterday."

Shinji only chuckled nervously and scratched his head.

Misato looked at the town through the field glasses.

"Yeah. Like water off a duck's back. Even N2 couldn't destroy it, just burnt a little. At least they stopped it for a while. Okay, come on." She sat down in the driver's seat and took a deep breath. "My poor Alpine…"

The car looked really bad: the left wing and the door were like a sieve, the windows were shattered, the rear-view mirrors were absent, and there were dents and scratches all around. It seemed like the rattling car was ready to collapse anytime. It was held together on a wing nut and a lot of prayers.

"I hope the fools there will call a train for us. Otherwise, it'll take us a few hours to get to headquarters." Katsuragi sighed again when the engine uttered a few disgruntled growls. "Come on, baby, don't let me down."

Her "baby" was a Renault Alpine A310, if the rickety sign on the "torpedo" was right. Shinji even whistled in praise of Misato's taste: Alpine models are extremely rare, and they have never had the right wheel. But Katsuragi had a right-hand drive car. The question was where she found it.

They have already departed from this miserable town. According to the pointers, there were only twelve kilometers left to Tokyo-3. The road was descending in mountains, which were covered with dense forest. There was no chaos that filled the shore. That was too surreal. But army trucks, which were evacuating the people in settlements, were still everywhere. If it hadn't been for them, maybe Shinji would have calmed down.

"I hope the civilian casualties are not so big," Katsuragi mumbled with a serious face.

Shinji started realizing that some of the people outside had died. Truth be told, deep down, he knew it, but he just refused to believe.

"Don't be afraid," the woman began to calm the young man down. "Surprisingly, the self-defense forces evacuated a lot of people. So don't worry about it, okay? It's definitely not your fault."

The word "surprisingly" sounded kind of phony, but Ikari nodded, having buried into his thoughts.

"And yet you don't say much, Shinji-kun. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to myself. Or maybe there were too many events at a time for the child to see," she reasoned.

"I'm sorry, Misato-san, but sometimes you behave like a child too."

"You little brat!" Katsuragi kindly shouted, ruffling Shinji's hair.

1 USAF - United States Air Force.

2 This refers to the B-1B Lancer, a strategic supersonic bomber of the US Air Force.


End file.
